Food & Drink

All the Kanye-Inspired Beers Stillwater Didn't Make

Published On 08/19/2016 Published On 08/19/2016
SCOTT DUDELSON/FILMMAGIC/GETTY IMAGES

Baltimore's Stillwater Artisanal Ales just dropped the hottest beer to hit the shelves in a minute: I Miss the Old Kanye, a Dr Pepper-flavored imperial porter. This is Stillwater's third hip-hop tribute beer, following the Kendrick Lamar-inspired Moneytree$ session IPA and Hopvine Bling, a Berliner Weiss straight from the 6ix. Brian Strumke, the founder of Stillwater, is a former DJ and his musical passions inform his celebrated lineup.

While I Miss the Old Kanye is greatness, for sure, we at Thrillist got to thinking about the Kanye-inspired beers that might not have made the cut, all the pilot brews and brewery exclusives that just weren't quite ready for the market. So we strapped on our Yeezys, grabbed our notepads, and headed to the Stillwater brewery in search of these almost-famous brews. What we found could basically be a track listing for a beer-themed secret album.

Fucking Picasso & Escobar smoked habanero porter

Fifty percent more influential than any other craft beer.

That Shit Kriek cherry lambic aged in new French oak barrels

Brew so tart muhfuckas wanna fine me.

Ghetto Pope Pilsner

This Pils is a god, even though it's a beer of God, its whole life in the hand of God. Pairs well with the damn croissants.

Ultra-Lite Beam lager

For everyone that feels they've said "I'm sorry" too many times.

Boost for Breakfast oatmeal stout

Order pancakes and just sip the sizzurp.

Harder, Bitter, Faster, Stronger imperial IPA

Damn, they don't make 'em like this anymore.

Mean Girls gose

And that's how we party.

Awesomeness altbier

It'll only lead you to complete awesomeness at all times. It'll only lead you to awesome truth and awesomeness. Beauty, truth, awesomeness. That's all it is.

No More Parties California common

A backpack brew with luxury taste buds.

Bound 2 brown ale

This that red-cup-all-on-the-lawn shit.

Fly Malcolm Xport stout

This beer become legendary, everything Ye dreamed of.

Jacket Outta Possum extra-pale ale

Tastes like Steve Jobs mixed with Steve Austin.

Panda white chocolate cream ale

Panda panda panda panda panda panda.

Disclaimer: this list is 100% fake, completely made-up malarkey. As wise man once said, "You should only believe about 90% of what I say. As a matter of fact, don't even believe anything that Iā€™m saying at all. I could be completely fucking with you, and the world, the entire time."

Meredith Heil is a staff writer for Thrillist. You love her when she ain't sober, you love her when she's hungover. Drop bars @mereditto

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