2oz Cruzan Black Strap rum (It’s pirate rum... but what Brian didn't tell you is it's not for real pirates. Sure looks convincing, though.)
.5oz orange juice
.5oz lemon juice
.25oz B.G. Reynolds Falernum syrup
2 dashes angostura bitters
Drop all ingredients in a mixing tin, then add crushed ice and shake for 5 seconds. Pour it into your most classy glass and top it with crushed ice. And, in the interest of tastefulness, garnish it with parasols, swizzle sticks, fresh fruit, and fresh mint, then get ready, Jack, because every pirate hooker on Whore Island's gonna be trying to get at your booty.
Stay classy, Thrillist.
Andy Kryza is Thrillist's National Eat/Drink Senior Editor, and has proudly lived vegetable-free since 2001. Follow his adventures/slow decline via Twitter at @apkryza.
Brandon Wise runs the bar program at Imperial and Portland Penny Diner, and presides as President of the Oregon Bartenders Guild. Behold his expertise on Twitter @brwise.