It's not debatable: Anthony Bourdain has the best job in the world. He hops around the globe, learning about different cultures through the lens of food and drink. A lot of drink. Did we mention he likes to drink? He's given us plenty of booze-soaked pearls of wisdom from his many years on TV and in his books. These are the ones worth living by, or maybe just tattooing on an inconspicuous part of your body that won't get you in trouble with your mom.
Really Dough's Mark & Scott Take a Bunch of Shots, Do Blind Pizza Taste Test, Argue a Lot
"I need the anesthetic qualities of the local fire water." -- from "Parts Unknown (Colombia)"
On drinking in transit
"When dealing with complex transportation issues, the best thing to do is pull up with a cold beer and let somebody else figure it out." -- from "Parts Unknown (Peru)"
On drinking with mouthy vegetarians
"For their own good, vegetarians should never be allowed near fine beers and ales. It will only make them loud and belligerent, and they lack the physical strength and aggressive nature to back up any drunken assertions." -- excerpted from The Nasty Bits: Collected Varietal Cuts, Usable Trim, Scraps, and Bones
On slacking off
"Personally, I'd be perfectly happy to just call it a day and fuck off to the nearest hammock and a frosty boat drink with an umbrella in it." -- from "No Reservations (Caribbean)"
"I managed to reach a depth of self-loathing that usually takes a night of drinking to achieve." -- after eating a Frito pie on "Parts Unknown (New Mexico)"
On modern bootlegging
"Unlicensed hooch from a stranger in a parking lot. Good idea? Yes, of course it is." -- from "No Reservations (Hudson Valley, NY)"
On drinking in paradise
"This is the dream of all the world. The dream is to live in Granada. You know, work in the morning, have a one-hour nap in the afternoon, and at night go out and have that life. Go out and see your friends and eat tapas and drink red wine and be in a beautiful place." -- from "Parts Unknown (Spain)"
On the virtues of day drinking
"There's something wonderful about drinking in the afternoon. A not-too-cold pint, absolutely alone at the bar -- even in this fake-ass Irish pub." -- excerpted from Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook
On taking a break
"It's been about a week without alcohol of any kind. I'm enjoying my new, clean-living lifestyle." -- from "Parts Unknown (Libya)"
On drinking with Ruskies
"They're professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jäger shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don't forget that the Russians -- any Russian -- can drink you under the table." -- excerpted from A Cook's Tour: Global Adventures in Extreme Cuisines
On the dangers of tequila
"I believe -- to the best of my recollection, anyway -- that I soon made the classic error of moving from margaritas to actual shots of straight tequila. It does make it easier to meet new people." -- from "Parts Unknown (New Mexico)"
On BBQ's best friend
"Even on the Serengeti, it ain't a barbecue if there ain't some kind of beer." -- from "Parts Unknown (Tanzania)"
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Lee Breslouer is a senior writer for Thrillist and does not understand how Bourdain still has an operable liver. Follow him to boring drinking anecdotes of his own @LeeBreslouer.