Offer to drink with them
"If I knew a group of folks were gonna be slow to leave after close, I'd approach the table just after closing with a pint of beer in my hand. I'd ask if I could join them for my after-work beer and make them promise to leave when I finished. They'd agree, I'd sit and slam the pint, and then invite them to leave. It generally caught them so off guard and was presented in such a good-natured way that they'd all get up and laugh as they left."
Pretend their wife is on her way
"I've called the bar with my cell and acted like the offending party's wife called, and that she was pissed off and heading to the bar. He downed his drink and got out of there."
Tell the jerk's date you're embarrassed for them
"I said, 'I feel so sorry for you right now, I can't imagine how you must feel.' She started crying, he paid his bill and never came back."
Invoke the law
"I would ask a rowdy group of guys if they would act the same way if a cop was sitting next to them. Then when they said no, I'd ask if there needs to be."
Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's National Food and Drink team. His go-to Jedi mind trick involves Shadows of the Empire on N64. Follow him to video game nostalgia at @Dannosphere.