Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You can try to act tough, Cancer, side-stepping around in your protective exoskeleton, but I see you. One tiny crack in that crab shell and you're a puddle of raw, unadulterated emotion, oozing with love, intuition, insecurity, and a profound affection for anything "cozy." How about you stay in tonight, bud? Just snuggle up with a mug of warm milk punch and let that velvety combination of brandy, heavy cream, and sugar carry you through every sociocultural documentary Netflix has to offer. It's going to be OK, dear Cancer, I promise.
Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd)
The Last Word
I just don't know how you do it, L. You're a true individual without a bashful bone in your well-toned body; a natural-born leader with blindingly bright intellect, boundless generosity, classic good looks, and a lion's share of head-turning charisma. Plus, you smell AMAZING.
Wait, are you seriously doing close-up magic right now?? You never cease to impress, Leo. I hope you don't mind if I call you Leo. May I be so forward as to offer you a cocktail whose bold, vibrant -- some might even say audacious, even arrogant, but, hey, I'm sure they're just jealous -- combination of dry gin and herbaceous green Chartreuse reflects not only your standout character but also your calm and unwavering strength? Please, your honor, do enjoy.