Whole Foods 365 coconut water
Price: $3.29 for 33.8oz (10 cents per oz)
Tasting notes: "This is the ugliest one. It still has specks in it from the coconut shells that didn't get filtered out properly. And that yellowing right there is oxidation. But it tastes freaking good, the oxidation hasn't hurt it in any way. The sweetness is perfect, it's the second-sweetest out of all of them. It's got that cool butteriness that I like, it's got the mouthfeel. The problem is it looks shitty. As a bartender, I would have to run it through another filter before I served it."
FOCO 100% pure coconut water
Price: $1.69 for 11.2oz (15 cents per oz)
Tasting notes: "This is gorgeous. The sweetness is there, the smell is there, it's clean, it has salinity. It's got a weird thing going on in the middle though, it does that artificial coconut thing -- like Malibu -- but then it goes away. My favorite thing about it is the mouthfeel, when I taste coconut water that sits heavy like this I'm like, OK, this is legit. It actually reminds me of home, like if you were to open up a coconut by the side of the road in Puerto Rico, this is what it would taste like."