Another cure that old-timers tout relentlessly, Alka-Seltzer apparently will neutralize the stomach acid churning in the depths of your stomach. And yeah, it kind of did. So right now we're moving into the "cures" that actually do help. But the problem here is that Alka-Seltzer only neutralizes one aspect of your hangover. It doesn't deal with the headaches, the fatigue, or the crushing sense of dreadful guilt. So it's kind of one-dimensional and cannot rise any higher on this list. Though the fizzling sound is nice.
This stuff is like supercharged Gatorade for babies. It's filled to the brim with electrolytes, and over the years has developed a reputation as a hangover cure, much to the delight of its marketing department. And while it did give me a boost of energy -- my electrolytes were tingling! -- other specialty products do the same with less (more on those later) while not making you feel like an 8-year-old with a tummy ache.
Like Pedialyte, Advil -- while a valid, supplemental way to help bury a hangover -- cannot do the job on its own sugar-coated volition. It will help with your head and to quell that whole "hey, did I get hit by an Amtrak train last night, by any chance?" achy feeling -- but cure your hangover it will not. Even when dipped in ranch.
This is something I do personally the morning after a particularly raucous mixer. I'm not sure if this is more of a nostalgia-fueled, conditioned placebo effect, but the Coke genuinely seems to settle my stomach, give me the perfect concentrated dose of caffeine, and improve my mood. It also helps if you can find a can with your name on it, as some unspoken moral support.
8. A shit-ton of water
While this may seem like an obvious solution to dehydration, drinking too much water can end up causing more problems for your body. Namely, filling your gut with a gallon of water, which can lead to vomiting. Hydration is super-important in nursing yourself back to working shape, but there are smarter, more efficient ways to take you there. That being said, it is important to properly hydrate -- and while there are better ways, this is not a bad way, per se. You just have to make sure you don't overdo it. You don't want all that stuff sloshing around inside your body, especially on an empty stomach. That will only make things worse.
Speaking of puking (a phrase you almost never want to hear), upchucking definitely will help assuage many of your symptoms -- particularly nausea. Its ruthless effectiveness at doing so can't be understated. However, having the contents of your stomach come out of your mouth is pretty damn unpleasant. So if you're the kind of person that just wants to bite the bullet and/or rip off the BAND-AID, this might be your method of choice. If you prefer to keep your bile inside your stomach, try something else.
6. Pho/ramen/chicken noodle soup
I believe that food is the best medicine for almost everything -- despite that time I had to be hospitalized for three months after trying to treat my appendicitis with Pop-Tarts. A hot bowl of soup after a rough night can often be the ideal solution to your hangover woes. The mix of sodium, broth, and noodles is like a culinary hangover panacea, but therein lies the problem: You have to eat it. Some people simply cannot eat when they are hungover. Soups tend to be pungent meals that can be hard to stomach when your insides are walking a tightrope. While it worked for me, I had to recognize that occasionally my hangovers come accompanied by a tornado of stomachaches and nausea that would simply leave this solution invalid. Also chopsticks and the morning shakes were not exactly made for each other. Ditto for spoons.