According to the many, many greeting card-style memes my grandma keeps tagging me in on Facebook, spring has officially sprung. Which means (at least) two things: the time is nigh for my pink pastel man romper to come out of seasonal retirement, and the iced coffee equinox is upon us.
The iced coffee equinox is that one day when winter collides with spring, the slush melts, arms and legs are displayed in their full bare glory, and hot coffee is officially replaced by iced coffee in our hearts, minds, and local fast-food chain locations. And surprisingly, you can indeed get a solid joe option through a drive-thru window from a burger joint.
But as in life, professional sports, and online dating apps, some options are simply better than others (here's looking at you Farmer's Only.) I put my own health at risk to test 11 of the most prominent fast-food iced coffees (no cold brews, and no "flavored" coffees when possible) to see which options rise to the top like cream, and which javas sink to the bottom like a wayward french fry that you have to fish out of your drink with a bendy straw.
Here are my findings. And just so you know, I haven't slept in three weeks.