Lloyd is a stone-cold creep, and if you encounter him at any point in your life, it’s irrefutable proof you’ve lost your mind. But he’ll let it slide if you forget your cash, and he was no doubt a debonair barkeep in his day -- back when he wasn’t, you know, an evil ghost.
On Violet’s first day of work, we see Lil swiftly serve a few drinks, take a shot for herself, shut everyone up, and then reinvent her new hire for the crowd. And that’s just what she does in two minutes. Imagine what she could do in two hours. Oh, that’s about how long the movie is? Right.
Sure, Lou might own the joint, but it’s Irvin the bartender who lets Tyler Durden build his army in the basement of the bar over which he lords. He gets bonus points for looking like Neil Young in a Revolutionary War epic, and even more points for being hard as nails in the ring. He’s even in the Fight Club video game, which was a thing. Fred Durst was in it too. Let’s never talk about the Fight Club video game again, OK?
7. Isaac Washington
We could waste a lot of words explaining Isaac’s mystique, but this screengrab tells you all you need to know.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Any bartender who tolerates heartbroken Jason Segel dropping fruit garnishes all over the bar and doing Sex and the City impressions is a solid dude. But his recitation of the state fish of Hawaii makes him exceptional. And his declaration that Snuffleupagus "fucks his shit up" makes him a legend.
5. Al Swearengen
You gotta be tough to hang at the Gem Saloon, because Al certainly isn’t going to put up with your nonsense. Mr. Swearengen is gruff Wild West barman in every possible sense: he slugs hooch in between sentences, elevates cursing to an art form, and is down for an occasional murder if it gets him what he wants. So if that’s the sort of thing you’re into, Al is your hero. And lucky for him, most of his clientele is.
4. The Octopus
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
The Ink & Paint Club speakeasy is a busy place, what with all the dueling piano action and Jessica Rabbit groupies. A busy place demands a skilled and efficient bartender. You don’t get more efficient than the eight-armed badass tending bar. The dude -- who, fun fact, was also in the not-at-all culturally insensitive 1948 MGM cartoon Half-Pint Pygmy -- can pour a martini, grab a beer, and wash dishes all at the same time. Plus, you never have to worry about unsigned checks, because he produces his own ink. And he does so with a huge dopey smile on his face. That, friends, is how you run a bar.