Why it works
Here's the thing. As dumb as it sounds (and looks), using this method drastically cuts down on the hangover pain the morning after. You know how your mom/RA/pastor always told you to alternate alcohol with cups of water when you're out drinking? This is like doing that, but with the added benefit of having both at the same time. I literally drank 10+ glasses of Champagne at one party and felt fine and totally hydrated the day after.
For the record, it's much easier to do this at house parties, as there are no bartender middlemen and ice is cheap AF (just don't be a dick, and refill the trays). And again, 10+ glasses down, proper hydration maintained, effects of the Champagne… definitely there. But the hangover was as nonexistent as people's love for Razor’s Edge, which remains one of the most criminally underrated films of the 20th century, but I digress.
By the time I hit my third holiday party in as many days -- this was one I was invited to as someone's date -- I had my system on lock. I no longer cared about the skepticism of bartenders, or the awkward appearance of jingling ice in a little Champagne flute. I bought into the system. And it was paying off dividends.
As I spoke to a world-renowned neurosurgeon sipping on a gin and tonic (with Scrooged looped on the barroom TV, no less!), I saw his eyes wander questionably to my flute. So I told him about my adopted method and waited for his final, medicinal-but-slightly-boozy judgment.
"Hm," he said, sloshing his drink around with a surgeon's precision. "You might just be the smartest person in this room."
I woke up the next morning, sans hangover, with the knowledge that I had impressed someone who literally operates on brains for a living with a stupid Champagne hack.
Mission accomplished. Thanks, Bill.