SanTan Brewing unleashes nostril-stinging Sex Panther porter

Admit it: You secretly crave a Chocolatini every time you go to the bar, but wish it looked like beer, had less alcohol in it, and gave you an excuse to talk about rich mahogany. Well, Jack, now your prayers have been answered courtesy of Arizona's SanTan Brewing Company and its new beer, Sex Panther Double Chocolate Porter.

Sex Panther is loaded with flavors like real chocolate malt (so you know it's good), cocoa, truffles, and molasses -- just in case you like your craft beer to smell like that bottle of Yoo-hoo you accidentally bought at the bodega last night. The brewery says the 6.9% ABV Sex Panther should be slugged with similarly sugary treats, as well as smoked meats. Studies have shown that 60% of the time, it works every time… and by "works" we mean "sends you into a hyperactive euphoria before giving you a horrible headache".

The double chocolate porter is available at select places in Arizona until the end of March, so time is limited to grab your favorite red polyester suit, head to AZ, and impress the ladies with your beer choices before totally overheating because you wore polyester when it was 110-degrees outside.

Liz Childers is a food/drink editorial assistant at Thrillist. She prefers her vegetables with bacon fat, her chicken fried, and her ramen with a bowl of extra chili paste. Follow her @lizchilders1.