Troëgs Mad Elf Ale
Look at that cute little guy on the label! Nothing says Christmas like a beer that packs in some festive cherry notes. As a bonus, it has an ABV that will ensure you forget everything about the holiday other than the beer you were drinking.
Ninkasi Sleigh'r Double altbier, 7.2%
A decidedly more metal option than any other Christmas beer on the shelves this season, this tasty malt-bomb has notes of chocolate, and apparently pairs well with balls.
Saint Arnold Christmas Ale Strong ale, 7%
St. Nick might deliver you an iPhone 6, but Saint Arnold will deliver five malts and a "spicy hop character", which is way more valuable. Fine, you can probably get more on eBay for the phone. Regardless, this seasonal's been pleasing beer drinkers for nearly 20 years for a reason. It tastes just like Christmas.
Lee Breslouer writes about food and drink for Thrillist, and is sad that he only has one can of Upslope's Christmas Ale left. Follow him to holiday cheer at @LeeBreslouer.