"We can't be friends if you put an 'x' in 'espresso.'"
Pronunciation is hard, especially in the Internet age when so often you read about things but have never heard them discussed aloud (maybe I need to get out more). But there is clearly no "X" in the word "espresso." If you've heard someone pronounce it that way, you're hanging out with the wrong crowd.
"I always ask coffee shops about their beans."
While you're patiently waiting behind me in line, I'm going full Portlandia and asking questions like, "Where are the beans from? Is there's a high level of acidity? Is the espresso supposed to taste like brown butter or raspberries or a long walk on the beach?"
"I judge you based on your coffee equipment."
If there is a Keurig machine in your kitchen that wasn't given to you by your parents for Christmas*, and you aren't a high-powered lawyer whose time is measured in Franklins p/second, there's no reason to own one of these. It's a dating deal-breaker for me because you don't respect your morning rituals, which would theoretically meld with my morning rituals -- and I don't want to become infected with your bad choices. Also, there's no better first impression than owning an Aeropress.
*My Mom gave me one that I politely returned to the store and never told her about. If you're reading this, sorry Mom, I appreciate the thought!