To keep things fair, I performed this 1,000% very scientific and official experiment using three different portable drinking vessels: a regular 12oz can, a 16oz tallboy, and a 12oz bottle, each vessel swathed in its own specifically designated, perfectly sized koozy. For brews, I went with two lighter lagers and a semi-dry hard cider, all low-alcohol, warm-weather styles best consumed cold, quick, and while roasting under a hot, hot sun.
All the beers started their day chilling at a cool 38-40 degrees inside Thrillist's trusty office fridge. When the time came, I diapered one and let the other go commando, cracked them open, popped them in a box, and headed down to the street, fending off thirsty passersby and pad-tapping police with an innocent smile, a watchful eye, and a tight grip. It's July, so at 2:30pm, Downtown Manhattan was a balmy 92 degrees with no breeze -- excellent can-sweating weather.
After about 30 minutes spent schvitzing on the stoop -- about the time it would take a person to blow through one beer at a leisurely pace (or, in my case, one podcast/two American Spirits) -- I toted the babies upstairs, tried a few sips of each, and recorded my findings...