What has an exciting name, but secretly tastes disgusting? Asbestos! And also shots, mixology’s embarrassingly sexual, Jimmy Buffett-loving uncle! With horn-dog monikers and the promise of exotic flavors, shots have tempted many a bar-goer to their ruin. Avoid a similar fate by getting acquainted with more accurate names for these 11 popular mouthfuls*. *Not the name of a mixed shot… yet.
What’s in it: Amaretto, grain liquor, beer
Posting pictures of regular cocktails? Not cool. Posting blurry photos of something that’s either a drink en fuego, or a dumpster fire? Also not that cool. Impress no one when you knowingly explain that the eponymous soda isn’t an ingredient.
What’s in it: Herbal liqueur, peach schnapps, cranberry juice
It’s an open-mouthed kiss with a recently divorced, Irish version of the Chiquita Banana woman: unnerving and nauseating, yet strangely arousing.
What’s in it: Butterscotch schnapps, Irish cream, vodka
According to international law, every swim-up bar at every beach resort in the world must have at least one sad couple from Ohio tossing these back to “rekindle the spark”.
What’s in it: Herbal liqueur, Goldschläger, Rumple Minze
This drink has been fist-pumping at itself in the mirror for most of the night, and tried to fight the bouncer when he asked it to sit on a coaster. It is considering going to Coachella this year, but isn’t sure if it’ll have the cash.
What’s in it: Vodka, lemonade, sugar
It’s not as classy as the limoncello, which despite/due to being Italian, isn’t classy at all. Brace for heartburn & sugar-high headaches.
What’s in it: Peach schnapps, vodka, cranberry & orange juices
Remember that time when you parked outside a Denny’s you didn’t even eat at, then left the car running just in case Kristie’s parents happened to drive by on their way home from the movies, and also so you could play Dashboard Confessional without draining the battery? This is like that. Sort of.
What’s in it: Vodka, coffee liqueur, tonic
You are having the MOST FUN at this ENTIRE BAR, and do you think ANY LADIES have noticed your CONFIDENCE yet?! This round is just like the music YOU LOVE: on the HOUSE!!!! (You're about to get bounced for stiffing a check for this round.)
What’s in it: Vodka, Jell-O, your youth
GAG FREAKIN’ REFLEX! GAG FREAKIN’ REFLEX!
What’s in it: Three different whiskies mixed together
The Old Testament called. It wants its sense of masochism back.
What’s in it: Sloe gin, Amaretto, whiskey liqueur
If you were, you’d be drinking a Yellowhammer. Rammer Jammer! Roll Tide! Also, stop drinking these.
What’s in it: Apple juice, vodka, whipped cream, cinnamon
It’s not what sex feels like, but to be fair, it’s a shot and not sexual intercourse. Other than that crushing let-down, you’re going to love it.
Dave Infante is a senior writer for Thrillist who's been living off Gallete's Yellowhammers since Fall 2012. Roll with him, Tide: @dinfontay.