Everything You Need to Know to Never be Hungover Again

Naomi Stark/Thrillist
Naomi Stark/Thrillist

We at Thrillist hate hangovers, but not nearly as much as we love adult beverages, which kind of puts us between a rock and a rock that looks increasingly attractive as the night progresses. So, to minimize the morning misery caused by nights of drinking, we've relentlessly studied how hangovers work and what one might do to combat them. Read on for our collective knowledge about the science behind that headache, which alcohol has the worst consequences, and which cures worked best for us.

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Is a huge breakfast of eggs and hash browns really the best move? We asked a registered dietitian to explain the science behind 11 foods that will help ease the pain.

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Technically, yes! It just involves an I.V. and $250 worth of fluids. Since we were naturally skeptical of the procedure, we gave it a try and reported our findings, which was significantly easier without a scorching headache.

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Our selfless Vice editor tried 10 different remedies, from the aforementioned I.V. doctor to over-the-counter pills to an old-fashioned cup of coffee. Spoiler alert: after reading this you'll immediately want to go drop $10 at the closest pharmacy.

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That same officially sanctioned bastion of nutritional info that preached the healing powers of the avocado gave us the scoop on 10 liquid cures. 

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With respect to the expert who said to avoid it above, sometimes you really do need hair of the dog. To minimize the damage, we had a master bartender whip up craft cocktails made of hangover cures like Gatorade, coconut water, chocolate, and bacon.

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Newsflash: according to a report by TIME, you're not just losing your edge. There's a scientific reason hangovers become worse as you age. Click through for the science, and also some jokes.

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Climate scientists aren't the only ones unveiling inconvenient truths. The European College of Neuropsychopharmacology conference in Amsterdam has some bad news for you and 7-Eleven nachos.

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We hate to break it to you, but more alcohol is not an effective solution.

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It starts with a mouth as dry as the Sahara on a six-year drought, then continues for seven gruesome stages...

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Everyone knows not to go against a Sicilian when death is on the line, but you also don't want to get into a hangover-beating contest with one, because he'll eat a dried bull's penis and be cured immediately. Conceivable!

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If you can compose yourself enough to effectively communicate with a drive-thru operator, these are the 15 foods you should order.

LYGSBTD

A professor tinkered with the level of electrolytes in beer in order to lessen the negative aftereffects. Is this playing God? Yes, and there's nothing wrong with that.

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No one has more experience with hangovers than the ones who dish them out, so we asked bartenders to offer their tips.

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Devised through a series of surveys, this playlist offers the most effective audio hangover solutions.

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There's a science behind which spirits have the worst effects on your morning, and the fine folks at DNews created a video explaining the correlation between different types of alcohol (hint: make like Monica and avoid brandy). Click through to see the video and read our CliffsNotes.

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In which our Vice editor reflects on the importance of atoning for one's sins.

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Hunter S. Thompson, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and other iconic authors wrote some very insightful things about the least-insightful stage of human existence. Read them here.

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Dan Gentile is a staff writer at Thrillist. He can attest to the fact that hangovers get worse with age. Follow him to breakfast tacos at @Dannosphere.