Here are two personal visions of hell: a room filled with infinite cheeseburgers, but my mouth is sewn shut, and a room full of infinite ice-cold beers, but I am without an opener. I haven't found a solution to the mouth-sewn-shut thing yet, but the latter's on lock. Here are nine ways to open a beer bottle when an opener isn't available (using your teeth is definitely not one of them).
In any group of people, there's usually at least one person who smokes, loves candles, is planning insurance fraud, or is a just a textbook pyromaniac.
- Flip your lighter (standard Bic works great) upside down so the butt-end is facing up
- Wrap your hand tightly around the bottle neck
- Use your index finger's knuckle as a fulcrum, wedge the lighter between it and the underside of the bottle cap, and use the same motion as a regular bottle opener
You need a book -- paperback -- that's not as thick as Infinite Jest, but holds a little more literary fortitude than the Halo novelization we used above. I suggest Nabokov's early works.