The late, great Jackie Gleason once said, "A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini." And if he's speaking the truth, it seems my unmarried, childless, apartment-dwelling ass has but one duty to uphold: the martini.
There's only one problem here -- much like fine wine, black coffee, and paying your own cellphone bill, this timeless tipple has always loomed staunchly within the realm of big-time adulthood, an unshakable (see what I did there?) rep that's sadly kept many under-35 drinkers, like me, from daring to approach this gorgeous, intimidating beast. So, like any good journalist, I did my due diligence, faced my fears, and came up with this base-covering guide in the hopes that, one day, even us perpetually carded schlubs can confidently step into the wide world of martinidom... before stumbling out in a gin-soaked daze, of course