“I'll have a lemon ginger herbal tea, please,” I say to the barista. For the first time ever.
She eyes me suspiciously, like I'm a spy sent into enemy territory. She is not mistaken, I am not a regular at this coffee shop. It is a crappy coffee shop.
The primary reason this place sucks is the bad coffee. But after spending more time here, I can tell you that the crappiness doesn't end at the brew. The furniture looks like it's from my first apartment, back when my favorite store was "the side of the road." The WiFi is split into eight networks with passwords so complex they'd elude even a hacker of Matthew Lillard's caliber. And everyone here is a student wearing sweatpants.
I'm feeling sluggish, but a more pressing issue is my raging headache. I'm pretty sure it's the lack of coffee, but the fact that I paid $2.50 for a bag of Bigelow tea doesn't help. Also, I just spent an hour sorting 25 pages of transcribed notes from cafe owners about how to open a shop. That also doesn't help.
Ok, time to write some glorious coffee observations!
... this is proving very difficult. I'm having trouble writing about not having coffee... because I haven't had coffee. I'm like a modern-day Yossarian, tip-toeing through the trenches of Internet journalism without my greatest weapon.
I often refer to that weapon as a “power-up.” Sometimes I'll save it until late in the afternoon or even early evening, like holding onto a Mario Kart thunderbolt until the last lap.
Right now, my body could use a boost mushroom. Everything's happening very slowly. The headache is still lurking. My eyelids are rebelling, drooping as if I'm sitting through a bad college lecture. And my right eye is twitching relentlessly.
Okay, my eye was twitching before I started this story. I have strange eye problems. I emailed my doctor about it last night and am still waiting on a response. Is it weird to email your optometrist regularly?