Funerals are sad by nature, so it should make sense to drink during their entirety, right? Well, it's not always that easy, especially outside of Ireland. And since funerals involve dead people, and dead people make living people sensitive, you might have to pull out the big guns in order to drink clandestinely at your next wake.
Ingenious fake-flask-baby method!
So, you can't bring a glove, a seat, or binoculars to a funeral -- so that nixes those flask options. You don't want your Aunt Linda making passive-aggressive remarks about your weight, so the Beerbelly is out. And as far as tie flasks go, well, nothing matches your suit that comes in a "flask" option. Clearly there is only one sane route to go: the baby flask. While an officially branded baby flask failed to reach its Kickstarter goals (somehow?), it should be easy enough to make one at home. Just open up a baby's head (a toy baby) and fill it with alcohol.
Ingenious playing-it-cool method!
Sure, some of your friends/family may be like, "Hey, I didn't know you have a kid?" but you can just cooly answer, "It's 2016 Aunt Linda, it's my body and I do what I want with it," while casually sipping rosé out of your plastic baby's plastic skull while refusing to let her hold it. I mean, it's a funeral. That's inappropriate.
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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He's drinking out of a baby flask right this second. Follow him: @wilfulton.