Test Dummy

I Tested the $450 Champagne Gun and It Literally Backfired

Cole Saladino/Thrillist

It's not every day you get to blast your friend in the face with a jet stream full of bubbly out of a rose gold tommy gun. So when Jeremy "King of Sparklers" Touitou emailed Thrillist's entire editorial team to ask if any adventurous soul would fancy a go, I was obviously like, "OK, LOL," and he was like, "Sounds good."

Three days later I had my mitts around my own bona fide $450 (but, surprisingly... um, plastic) Champagne gun. All I needed was a couple magnum bottles of 'pagne and a willing victim, and I'd be in business. So I refused to do any work until my bosses let me expense two magnum bottles of Champagne. They abided.  

I grabbed my close friend/office rival Jeremy "Don't talk about how many Fleshlights I've banged" Glass, and took to the streets of SoHo, where, luckily, you can almost legally drink/spray alcohol in public now. We told all the tourists to back the eff off, and I let this sucker blow. 

 

A couple of things about this Champagne gun. There's no trigger. You just shake the thing as vigorously as you can until it spurts. Ha. Ha. I could make a joke about prom night, but I'm saving that for later. 

Another thing -- and granted, I may not have been doing it correctly, because like any self-respecting dude I throw away any and all instruction manuals immediately -- it backfired hard. Maybe it was the karma police. Maybe I had a defective model. It doesn't really matter, because now, I'm soaked in Champagne, and the same editors who financed my bottles are making me write this before I change my clothes. 

 

It was wet, sticky, and right in front of everyone. Just like prom night. (There it is.)

Cole Saladino/Thrillist

So, sure, I'm drenched in cheap Champagne, my friend made me buy him new chinos, and at least three tourists thought, "Only in New York, amirite?!?" -- but at least I learned something.

Oh wait, no I didn't. But it was still pretty damn fun.

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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He needs to be a submarine cook. Follow him: @wilfulton.