If you're the type of coffee drinker (29 of them here) who wants to spend the equivalent of more than eleventy million or so Dunkin' Donuts coffees just to get a lot of bragging rights/people talking about what a dumbass you are behind your back, we've got just the set-up for you. So drink in all the ludicrous elements making up this $54562 cup of coffee, not counting whatever denomination bill you use as a stirring rod.
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Pure Unroasted Green Bali Arabica Kopi Luwak Civet Coffee Beans (1/2kg) Price:$129 Why you need it: You're the type that truly appreciates the flavor of rare beans that have been pooped out after fermenteing inside the digestive system of an abused Asian palm civet, which is a cute cross between a cat and fox that Kanye is probably getting Kim for Christmas next year. You also want to roast these beans yourself. Why you don't: Well, there's the fact that someone else could roast these for you and then sell them to you for a fifth of the price, which would still be ridiculously expensive. Oh, and it's fermented inside the stomach of a cat/fox-thing and pooped out. So there's that.
Hottop KN-8828P-2 Programmable Digital Drum Roaster Price:$1000 Why you need it: Because the average coffee bean takes six months to reach the consumer after going through 17 supply chain steps, instead of it just going through one cat/fox-thing's digestive tract and into this roasting machine, and you demand freshness. Also, you need to be able to program eight different segments to a roasting cycle with custom temperature/time for each. Because you are maybe crazy. Why you don't need it: Most artisan roasters have gotten pretty good at bringing that time period down. Oh, and they know what they're doing.
Compak R-140 Coffee Grinder Price:$2388 Why you need it: This sucker can grind through 5lbs per minute, has overload motor protection in case you actually try to do that, and has a micro-metric regulator to measure the fineness of the coffee to adapt it perfectly to your crazy-expensive espresso machine. Why you don't need it: Because calibrating the damn thing will take more cups of coffee than you'd drink in a month. And costs over two grand.
La Marzocco Strada, Electronic Paddle, 3 Groupespresso machine Price:$22500 Why you need it: La Marzocco is like the Alfa Romeo of espresso machines, and you, dear millionaire, are far too classy for a Lambo. The pumps have the same design as helicopter hydraulics, the controls are akin to deep-sea mining technology, and it looks way sexier than either of those things. Also, you need to serve three of your friends at once. Why you don't: You could go with La Marz's slightly more affordable home-grade version (the GS/3, which is only about $7000), or you could just go to a coffee shop.
Exceedingly Rare Antique Procelain Cup and Saucer in Neo-Russian Style, by the Imperial Porcelain Factory, Saint Petersburg, Russia, circa 1862 Price:$27500 Why you need it: Made for the 250th anniversary of the Romanov dynasty (which lasted until WWI), it is actually a one-off variation so it's even rarer. And, the woman carrying a pail of water reminds you of your roots. Why you don't: You've got that mug you took from the office that only cost you suspicious looks from your co-workers.
Custom Coffee Shop Sign with a splash of color Price: $1045 Why you need it: A nice contrast to all the Monets you've got lying around, and since you apparently can afford it, why not splurge? Why you don't: Your house is not a premium quality coffee company. And that's a little excessive, don't you think?
Dan Gentile is a staff writer on Thrillist's national food/drink team who recently purchased a very nice toaster oven and is excited about exploring the world of crispy reheated food. He also enjoys hating mustard. Follow him to pots of gold/Twitter at @Dannosphere.