“A horse walks into a bar…” is probably the greatest joke of all time, which got us thinking, “How much more comedic value can we wring out of this brilliantly simple setup?” So we riffed for hours, replacing the horse with everything from big cats to mythical humanoids. For better and/or worse, these are the results. Put your own walks-into-a-bar puns in the comments section, and if you don’t like puns, maybe you don’t understand humor! Either way, enjoy these puns. 

Gareth Newstead

A chameleon walks into a bar. Bartender says, “If your wife calls, I didn’t see you.”

A Black Widow walks into a bar. Bartender says, “What’s your poison?”

A rabbit walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Let me guess, you want a West Coast IPA.”

A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender says, “How about a long neck?”

An amoeba walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Pay the tab before you split.”

Yann Hubert/Shutterstock

An eel walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Back for more, ay?”

A measle walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Shots for everybody!”

A duck walks into a bar with a bunch of friends, but all his friends ditch him. Bartender says, “I guess the bill’s on you.”

A lion walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Where's your pride?” [This lion clearly did something shameful last time he was in the bar!]

A goat walks into a bar. Bartender says, “We don’t serve kids.”

Another goat walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Can’s for customers only.”

Photos12/Alamy

A hobbit walks into a bar. Bartender says, “How many times do I have to tell you, we don’t have ‘Second Happy Hour.’”

A gecko walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Looking for some tail?"

A tree walks into a bar. Bartender says, “I think you’d better leave.” The tree doesn't leave so the bartender says, "You must take me for a sap!" Tree says, "Stop your barking and pour me a logger."

A catkin walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Come back when you’re Alder.” [This is another tree joke.]

A parrot walks into a bar. Bartender grimaces, is very careful not to say anything.

An emu walks into a bar and can't decide what whisky to order. Bartender says, "How about a flight... oh, damn, sorry."

Eastern Light Photography/Shutterstock

A Shetland pony walks into a bar, has a few drinks, and pulls out a $10. Bartender says, “Sorry pal, you’re short.”

A mole walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Ouch, that must have hurt.”

An ox walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Off the wagon again?”

An owl walks into a bar and says, “Hey, sweetie, how about you get the waitresses to sing me happy birthday?” Bartender says, “Sorry pal, this isn’t a Hooters.”

An [insert animal here] walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Your Zoosk date is sitting over there.”

A sheep walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Welcome to my baa. We are in Boston.”

A cheetah walks into a bar. Bartender says, “We are not a spots baa. Which is highly unusual because we are also in Boston.”

Tyler C Hellard/Flickr

A beaver walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Close the dam door!”

A bat walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Must be an echo in here.”

A nurse shark walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Just so you know, there’s a $20 minimum on credit cards.”

A gaggle of lemmings walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Ten vodka tonics?”

A bear walks into a bar. Bartender says, “You want to watch the Cubs?” Bear says, “Do you have a secret camera in my house!? Is my family okay!? What do you want from me!?”

A pack rat walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, no smoking."

adike/Shutterstock

A dragon walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” Dragon says, “I just had to fire half my employees.”

A dung beetle walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Pull up a stool.”

A fish walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

A tarantula walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Care for a drink, sir?” Tarantula says, “Call me hairy.”

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. Bartender says, “Five beers, coming right up.”

A muleteer walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Johnny. Still driving that hybrid?”

A lion walks into a bar. Bartender says, “First one’s on the house.” Lion says, “Thanks, you didn’t have to do that.” Bartender says, “You know you’re my mane man.”

A member of the frog family Dendrobatidae walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Here for the darts tournament?” [These are the frogs that shoot the darts, but it's possible that after shooting darts all day at work they wouldn't want to shoot more darts at a bar.]

A buffalo walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Herd any good jokes lately?” Buffalo says, "A member of the frog family... just kidding, that joke is terrible."

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