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38 New “Animal Walks Into A Bar” Jokes, Because Puns Are Awesome

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Two cats walk into a bar
John Lund/Blend Images/Corbis

Chameleon Walks Into A Bar Joke
<a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/YoC_rDkSS1U" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Gareth Newstead</a>

A chameleon walks into a bar. Bartender says, “If your wife calls, I didn’t see you.”

A Black Widow walks into a bar. Bartender says, “What’s your poison?”

A rabbit walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Let me guess, you want a West Coast IPA.”

A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender says, “How about a long neck?”

An amoeba walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Pay the tab before you split.”

Eel walks into a bar
Yann Hubert/Shutterstock

An eel walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Back for more, ay?”

A measle walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Shots for everybody!”

A duck walks into a bar with a bunch of friends, but all his friends ditch him. Bartender says, “I guess the bill’s on you.”

A lion walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Where's your pride?” [This lion clearly did something shameful last time he was in the bar!]

A goat walks into a bar. Bartender says, “We don’t serve kids.”

Another goat walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Can’s for customers only.”

Hobbit walks into a bar
Photos12/Alamy

A hobbit walks into a bar. Bartender says, “How many times do I have to tell you, we don’t have ‘Second Happy Hour.’”

A gecko walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Looking for some tail?"

A tree walks into a bar. Bartender says, “I think you’d better leave.” The tree doesn't leave so the bartender says, "You must take me for a sap!" Tree says, "Stop your barking and pour me a logger."

A catkin walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Come back when you’re Alder.” [This is another tree joke.]

A parrot walks into a bar. Bartender grimaces, is very careful not to say anything.

An emu walks into a bar and can't decide what whisky to order. Bartender says, "How about a flight... oh, damn, sorry."

Pony walks into a bar
Eastern Light Photography/Shutterstock

A Shetland pony walks into a bar, has a few drinks, and pulls out a $10. Bartender says, “Sorry pal, you’re short.”

A mole walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Ouch, that must have hurt.”

An ox walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Off the wagon again?”

An owl walks into a bar and says, “Hey, sweetie, how about you get the waitresses to sing me happy birthday?” Bartender says, “Sorry pal, this isn’t a Hooters.”

An [insert animal here] walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Your Zoosk date is sitting over there.”

A sheep walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Welcome to my baa. We are in Boston.”

A cheetah walks into a bar. Bartender says, “We are not a spots baa. Which is highly unusual because we are also in Boston.”

Beaver walks into a bar
<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/tylerkathe/4259626569/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Tyler C Hellard/Flickr</a>

A beaver walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Close the dam door!”

A bat walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Must be an echo in here.”

A nurse shark walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Just so you know, there’s a $20 minimum on credit cards.”

A gaggle of lemmings walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Ten vodka tonics?”

A bear walks into a bar. Bartender says, “You want to watch the Cubs?” Bear says, “Do you have a secret camera in my house!? Is my family okay!? What do you want from me!?”

A pack rat walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, no smoking."

Dragon walks into a bar
adike/Shutterstock

A dragon walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” Dragon says, “I just had to fire half my employees.”

A dung beetle walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Pull up a stool.”

A fish walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

A tarantula walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Care for a drink, sir?” Tarantula says, “Call me hairy.”

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. Bartender says, “Five beers, coming right up.”

A muleteer walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey Johnny. Still driving that hybrid?”

A lion walks into a bar. Bartender says, “First one’s on the house.” Lion says, “Thanks, you didn’t have to do that.” Bartender says, “You know you’re my mane man.”

A member of the frog family Dendrobatidae walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Here for the darts tournament?” [These are the frogs that shoot the darts, but it's possible that after shooting darts all day at work they wouldn't want to shoot more darts at a bar.]

A buffalo walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Herd any good jokes lately?” Buffalo says, "A member of the frog family... just kidding, that joke is terrible."