Their beer: 8th Wonder Brewery Alternate Universe
Try to imagine an alternate-universe Texans team -- one with someone else other than a former Cleveland Browns QB behind center, and with a healthy Arian Foster and Jadeveon Clowney. Sorry, Texans fans. That universe does not exist. At least in this one, they have a fighting chance with J.J. Watt and DeAndre Hopkins. They'll lose to the Chiefs in the first round, but they'll put up a fight. And at least there's a tasty altbier from 8th Wonder to make everything better.
Kansas City Chiefs
Their beer: Boulevard Brewing Co. Harvest Dance
If you haven't seen Andy Reid do a "Harvest Dance" of his own, then you must take five seconds to watch this. Then we'd encourage you to drink some of this wheat-wine beer, which is a sort of a barleywine and sort of an ale. Watch the video again. It's probably even funnier now. But aside from Big Red's dance moves, the important thing to note is that the Chiefs have 10 wins in a row. Granted, they haven't won a playoff game since 1993. But thanks to a dominant defense, this appears to be their year, and even a cast-free J.J. Watt will likely not stand in their way.
Their beer: Indeed Brewing Company Stir Crazy
Indeed says its winter ale is designed "to warm you from within during the coldest time of year." And the good people of Minneapolis will need all the warmth they can get for their first home playoff game, as it will be between 1 and -9 degrees, which means the Vikings could win and start a deep playoff run, as long as Russell Wilson first gets frostbite and his brain freezes, and he somehow forgets how to play football.
New England Patriots
Their beer: Beer Works Contender IPA
Despite losing four out of their last six, the Pats are still contenders, making this 6.5% ABV beer with 80 IBUs perfectly named. Their performance earlier in the season earned them a bye, and they're rewarded with a week off for Brady to further heal his ankle and eat the most bizarre pre-game food: tiny footballs made out of lentils. With talent like Brady, Belichick, and the anthropomorphic beard who coaches their defense, it's tough to ever count this team out. Ask the Seahawks.