"There is a magical moment, ever illusive, that I am always in search of. That moment after you take an awkwardly ambitious bite of a cheeseburger, reservoir of juices still in your cheeks, cheese smeared to the roof of your mouth. A wash of tightly carbonated beer fizzes and pops across your palate, rekindling and elevating flavor layers of salty umami! When it hits you, it is undeniable! If there is a heaven...
"There are four key elements that must come together in a delicious and twisted way to accomplish burger-and-beer nirvana. First, a responsibly ranched beef, coarse grind of 40% chuck, 25% sirloin, 25% brisket, and 10% heart. You don't have to go bloody, but if you 'hockey puck' it, I will find you!
"Second, a proper stone-milled, non-GMO flour bun with whole butter and eggs (none of that powdered shit!). The ratio of bun to meat should hold steady at half the weight of raw dough to raw burger meat.
"Third, slice your own cheese! So many factors go into a high-quality cheese -- milk quality, time, temperature, a bizarre/brilliant maker, and surface area-oxygen contact. So that pre-sliced cardboard won't cut it. Something big and nutty cut 4mm thick will do the trick.