Their beer: Grist House Wheatin' for the Weekend
Every Tuesday of every single week during the NFL season, those lucky bastards that call themselves Steelers fans must be Wheatin' for the Weekend, just like the 4.3% ABV pale ale that bears its name from Grist. Since 2004, they've had no seasons under .500 and won two Super Bowls, mostly thanks to a solid D, Roethlisberger, and veteran Antonio Brown. The D has sucked as of late, but the offense remains such a bright spot that they're perennial competitors.
San Diego Chargers
Their beer: Coronado Idiot IPA
San Diego! You were almost out! The Chargers were ready to leave and become LA's problem, leaving you to enjoy all of your amazing beer, pristine beaches, and beautiful partially employed residents. But no! Now there's a ballot initiative for a new Downtown stadium and you KNOW how those things go. This franchise brings you nothing but disappointment. Let them go.
San Francisco 49ers
Their beer: Harmonic Brewing Espress Yourself kettle-sour saison with coffee beans
Between QB Colin Kaepernick publicly expressing his controversial political self, a brand-new coach, and a remarkably potent (like 8.1% ABV potent) schedule, the 49ers' 2016 appears a lot less smooth than last year's 5-11 season. The Niners' rookie-heavy lineup mirrors this wildly fermented brew, and the team will definitely need some caffeine-fueled pep to maintain their depth against brutal match-ups. But with any luck, these guys can harness this sour outlook to keep their game fresh.
Their beer: Spinnaker Bay Don't Panic!
Remember when people gave up on the Seahawks last season after week six, when they were 2-4? Russell Wilson was garbage, the defense had holes, and Pete Carroll was definitely going to be aggressively chewing gum on another team's sideline in 2016. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Don't Panic! is the perfect beer for the Hawks, not only because this porter is a rich, chocolaty, mocha-y pint that'll warm up the 12th Men all winter long, but also because this team is a machine. Wilson played his best football in the second half and led the team into the playoffs, where they lost to a very good Panthers team in the divisional round. They'll still be solid in 2016, with the only major changes this season being that Lynch retired and Wilson is no longer a virgin.