Be not led astray by the false prophet Piper Perabo: At no time shall you stand on the bar, or a chair, the jukebox, somebody's shoulders, the toilet stall, a keg, a newsstand, or a stack of board games. For it is dangerous. It puts the bartender at ill ease, and in a situation where they might have to remove you from the premises. And nobody wants to see what's happening under that skirt, even if you are Piper Perabo.
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