Tailgating is less of an art, and more of a science, but, like, really low-level science that's even before learning that some rocks are different from other rocks. Doesn't mean it can't still be tricky!! We've all seen true parking-lot ballers who bring TVs, and couches, and Nevin Shapiro, but you don't really NEED any of those things to get down and dirty and into that blessed state where the game itself becomes completely unimportant. So we rounded up a list of the 25 things that you absolutely do need, in descending order of importance -- No. 1 is more essential than No. 2, which is more essential than No. 3, and now we're just counting so we'll stop talking. After we do the list, of course. 1. Beer Have you ever watched a football game sober? That wasn't a rhetorical question.
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2. Ice Your beer gets hot quick when it's in the sun/being sat on by a dude in a Brian Bosworth '80s belly jersey.
3. Cooler Where are you going to keep that ice and beer? In your hands? Wrapped in the Bos's jersey?
4. A chair of some kind Standing while drinking is basically impossible, as proven by every bar, all of which have seats.
5. Meat In order to gain the power to stand back up, you need protein. Look it up in the “P” World Book.
6. Grill Only French tailgates eat cheeseburger tartare.
7. Charcoal Because it COULD work, but it’s ultimately a bad idea to light that grill using hay.
8. Lighter fluid Match-lit charcoal is for pussies and every last one of them knows it. PRO TIP: do NOT use on hay.
9. Table So it’s not as sexy as “a chair of some kind”, but keep reading -- you're going to have a LOT of things you need to put on there.
10. Cheese The faker the better.
11. Ketchup Feel free to swap this one with cheese if that’s your style/you are in fact Teresa Heinz Kerry.
12. Buns Think it should be higher? You’re clearly terrible at asking the guy next to you with an odd number of buns to borrow one, you match-lit hay-eater.
13. Chips The poor man’s meat. Or something.
14. Spatula After chips because a thicker-cut Tostitos can totally flip a burger.
15. Plates QVC claims they’re perfect for keeping meat and chips and ketchup in one place.
16. Team-representing clothing so you look exactly like every else And don't bother with the tricks. No one is fooled by your new retro tee.
17. Something that produces music Even if that’s just a car with working jumper cables. Danity Kane isn’t going to play itself!
18. Solo cups People will never stop making fun of you if you get the losery Skywalker cups.
19. Guy constantly trying to make teams to play flip cup Seriously, he’s essential. It’s better than you having to do it.
20. Hot girls wearing team gear cut to display cleavage You saw the picture, right?
21. Some kind of game to play Settlers of Catan doesn't count, hay-boy.
22. Sunscreen Because you’re too poor to afford a canopy.
23. Old guy with stories of when he played football with no pads back in the '60s, even though they totally wore pads then You actually don’t even have to bring this one, he just shows up.
24. Canopy WHOA, LOOK OUT FOR THE RICH DUDE WITH THE SUNSCREEN AND THE $39.95 CANOPY!!!
25. Football Wait, you're tailgating for a hockey game?