Why You Should Take Your Mother to Happy Hour instead of Brunch
Your mom: wonderful lady who, no matter what anyone else says, definitely is not so fat that she has more rolls than a bakery. What does such an excellent woman deserve? No, not brunch with $15 scrambled eggs and a bellini made with a $10 Prosecco. Take your mom to happy hour -- and let us tell you why.
1. Mom is the ultimate wingman
Fellas, do you know how caring, respectful, and confident you’ll appear to all the single ladies at happy hour? Guess who everyone talks about after the Oscars: the dudes who bring their moms. And who better to talk you up than the woman who hand-polished, framed, and mounted all your Ping-Pong trophies?
2. She’s way more likely to dish dirt on your siblings
Brunch is the expected and comfortable occasion where she can relay how proud she is that you started making BlackBerry apps. Happy Hour is the kind of loose environment perfect for learning who is and isn’t adopted.
3. Moms want to crush mozzarella sticks like everyone else
Nobody loves zucchini frittata like they love fried cheese. Nobody.
Because they’ve made it a mission to make Moms everywhere happy, TGI Fridays is where you should head to celebrate her -- not just on Mother’s Day, but every day all week long. Their Happy Every Hour is exactly the kind of thing you and she both want -- craveable food and drink features starting at $5 or less. Seriously
4. There’s something really weird about eating lots of egg dishes to commemorate someone giving birth
Like, just think about it for two seconds.
5. You can make her feel young again
Motherhood marks a passage of life that thoroughly ends the idea of youth. Brunch reinforces the safe, respectable life she’s attained. Happy hour will make her feel young at heart again.
6. Your dad will thank you
If you’re taking mom to brunch, dad definitely has to take her out to dinner. Give the guy the evening off so he can stay at home doing awesome dad things, like staring into a blazing hearth while gently swirling a tumbler of whiskey as he feels the crushing responsibility of the world slowly grind him away and why the hell did he start a fire in the spring?
7. It’ll be cheaper
Not that money should ever be your primary concern when it comes to showing mom a good time! But if the budget is tight, the insane markup of brunch food items can hurt the wallet. Drink specials and all-you-can-eat apps? The only thing that’ll hurt is your waistline.
8. You can sleep in
You know moms are like, “Let’s go to brunch at 10 in the morning!” Nobody has happy hour at 10 in the morning, except really salty dockworker bars and, c’mon dude, don’t bring your mom there.
9. No waiting in line
For some reason nobody understands, brunch is one of those weird meals where people are willing to just stand around waiting for a table for, like, hours sometimes. Don’t make your mom stand for hours.
10. Because your mom is a cool person
At some point in an adult's life, parents cease being embarrassing around strangers and become awesome. Their behavior hasn’t changed -- they are still utterly shameless and couldn’t possibly care less about what anyone thinks of them -- but your perception of that behavior has. Parents are utterly uncool and know it… which makes them weirdly cool. Tell your mom she’s cool the best way possible -- take her to happy hour.