Whether you want to admit or not, you are inevitably going to end up at someone’s house watching the Super Bowl amidst a bevy of snacks, booze, and other people. And that can be totally great, unless one of these people shows up:
The obsessive tweeter
Only interested in watching enough of the game to post a bunch of #HotSportsTakes in the hopes one will get RT’d by Colin Cowherd or something. #phonesmash
Shows up with nothing. Consumes the most of everything. Leaves wearing your nice dress shirt.
The guy who’s actually going to the Super Bowl
He’s not at the party. But you can still hate him. And his trust fund.
The compulsive gambler
No, I’m not going to lend you money for 2nd half prop bets. I don’t even know how to “wire money”. And please, stop crying.
The guy constantly updating you on his squares pool
“All I need is for Seattle to get back-to-back safeties before the half and I’m GOLDEN!”
The walking “Around the Horn” analyst
Insists on trying out one-liners all game long. Is somehow less funny than Woody Paige. Just kidding, of course. NO ONE is less funny than Woody Paige.