Hot girls drinking disgusting booze
Kick your mouth in the balls
That was the winner of an (unofficial) contest to provide a marketing slogan for Jeppson's Malort, a wormwood-heavy Swedish liquor sold only in the Chicago area. First popular among immigrant populations on the North side, its profile has increased in recent years as more locals clamor to delight in/inflict pain on unsuspecting friends with a flavor that has been likened to "dirty sweat socks" or "400yrs of oppression mixed with bug spray"
Tasting notes: "Oh, it burns. Wow, it burns. It's just so bitter and it's not going away. It's perpetual bitterness.
Tasting notes: "It started off herbal and then it just went to dirt. Really muddy, probably-stepped-on-several-times dirt. It's still there. It's a lingering dirt.
Tasting notes: "Ugh, like nothing good. Like dirty flowers. Not nice flowers. Dirty, angry flowers.
Tasting notes: "I always tell people it tastes like grapefruits and gasoline.
Tasting notes: "It's the pungent juice of the fruit called Earth.
Tasting notes: "It's like mother's milk.
So there you have it. You, too, can develop a taste for the intense flavor of Malort over time. And if you can't find any, just squeeze a grapefruit into some gasoline.
*Please do not squeeze a grapefruit into some gasoline.