Their beer: DuClaw Brewing Company Repent
Eventually this organization and fan base has to own up to the myriad ways it thoroughly botched the Ray Rice situation, right? Right? Nah, everyone is looking forward now! Specifically, looking forward to the team's best healthy wide receiver being 150 years old and watching Justin Forsett realize he's... Justin Forsett. This Belgian strong pairs perfectly for finally deciding it might be time to stop sporting the Rice jersey.
Their beer: Cigar City Leon
Amidst the Bills' impressive insistence on Super Bowl ignominy, there stands Leon Lett. Or actually, there runs Leon Lett, arms wide in celebration, impressively speedy for a 300lb man, but not quite enough to escape Don Beebe, who loves slapping balls out of large men's hands, and also trying really hard. Leon reminds us all that even when the Bills are at their failing-est, redemption lurks. Turns out redemption feels even better when it's a 13% barleywine.
Editor's Note: Yeah, this beer isn't made in Buffalo, but no other brew allowed us the ability to make a Don Beebe reference in a 2015 Bills preview.
Their beer: The Unknown Brewing Co. When Life Gives You Lemons
Cam and Stewart are staples of the Panthers squad, both of whom are lucky enough to play in a weak division. New for 2015 are Shaq “No Relation to SNL’s Kenan” Thompson at LB and Ted “Had a Bad 2014 And Can’t Wait For This Season to Be” Ginn as a WR/returner. The D should be great again (duh, Kuechly), but Cam will likely be enigmatic as ever. Because we’re guessing this season will likely have a similar result to past ones (in that it’ll end in disappointment), we’d recommend Charlotte’s Unknown Brewing Co’s When Life Gives You Lemons golden ale. Keep your heads up, Panthers fans! At least you have the Hornets! Hmm, better order two.
Their beer: Off Color Brewing Troublesome
The team's steady insistence that first-round pick Kevin White was fine until announcing he was out (possibly all season) with a stress fracture? Troublesome. The decision to sign human red flag Ray McDonald in the offseason in an era in which player conduct is under closer scrutiny than ever (spoiler alert: he's off the team already)? Troublesome. Jay Cutler's decision making, including his stance on vaccinations? Troublesome. This funky gose fits this Bears' season on so many levels!
Their beer: MadTree Brewing PsycHOPathy IPA
In this case, the psychopathy is brought on by yet another season of watching Andy Dalton wreck the chances of what, in better hands, might actually be a contending football team. Could you imagine A.J. Green with a better quarterback? That's probably all A.J. Green dreams about. Bengals fans are already mentally bracing themselves for their inevitable thrashing in the first round. At least they'll have these bold hop notes to keep them company.
Their beer: Great Lakes Cellar Dweller
Not that we don’t have faith in former Raiders QB coach John DeFilippo's ability to turn around Johnny Manziel and make him into the next… hmmm… Jeff Garcia? Trent Dilfer? Wait, was Derek Anderson really a starter here for four years? Anyway, Pettine’s squad has a good defense, and that’s great, but unless Johnny Football makes the miraculous comeback the scriptwriters at Disney are hoping for, this beer more than suits the Browns' chances. Try it with shellfish!