Food & Drink

The 10 Worst Lemonade Stands in Your Neighborhood

Published On 08/26/2016 Published On 08/26/2016
Girl's Lemonade Stand
Hurst Photo/Shutterstock

In the dog days of summer, nothing quenches your thirst quite like an ice-cold glass of lemonade. Especially when it's purchased from a cute kid who keeps insisting it's fresh-squeezed, despite the Country Time container sitting right next to her. It's an American entrepreneurial tradition for kids across America.

Thing is, while that delicious Country Time hasn't changed, they just don't make kids like they used to. And the kids they do make just aren't as good at selling lemonade (the beverage, not the award-winning multi-media concept album). Such is life for these 10 kind-of-crappy businesskids. We slogged through their meager offerings so you don't have to. We even dealt with Daisy. And as you probably know, Daisy is the absolute worst.

CJM Grafx/Shutterstock

The kids who are way too old to be doing this

Kids: Cheryl and Toni-Ann
Location: 44 Maple Blvd

They used to be such nice girls! Now they are slingin' water mixed with yellow food coloring to scrounge up quarters for a God knows what kind of After School Special fodder. But, at least they are having fun, right?

2/4 Stars

Maria Dryfhout/Shutterstock

The girl who put her stand in the middle of fucking nowhere

Kid: Rachel P.
Location: 23 Tumbleweed Dr

"If you build it, they will come," does not apply to lemonade stands in the middle of a desolate field -- no matter how big you make your font. On top of that, her product is too tart, and definitely not worth the high risk of tick bites. Lyme disease is no joke. But Rachel's lemonade is.

Also, she forgot the flowers.

1/4 stars

Volt Collection/Shutterstock

The kid who is actually not smart enough to even do this, bless his little heart

Kid: Dylan R.
Street: 334 General George Patton Way

He spent the whole afternoon grinningly sheepishly, while trying to count the money his Mom gave him to "start him off." He keeps calling the quarters "metal Legos." Poor little guy.

2/4 Stars

Flickr/stevendepolo

The girl with zero marketing skills

Name: Avery H.
Location: 4445 Euphrates Way

Generic cups. '80s pitcher (zero visibility!). Rickety table that has literally been in every Grandma's house ever. And seriously? She couldn't spring for a marker? This girl has no future. She barely has a present. 

Her lemonade is actually OK, though. It's a shame no one will ever drink it. 

3/4 Stars

Flickr/tinfoilraccoon

The kids who are almost definitely up to something weird

Kids: Joseph H, Paul C, and Francine R.
Location: 13 Sailor's Way

On my 18th birthday, my mother told me to remember two things: never go to bed angry, and never accept free lemonade from a kid in a basketball jersey, a Village of the Damned reject, and a girl who looks like she is being held against her will. 

I never needed it, until I met this trio.

1/4 Stars

Michael C. Gray/Shutterstock

The girl who got high on her own supply

Kid: Sadie M.
Location: 308 Negra Arroyo Lane

You play the citrus game, till it plays you, playa. 

2/4 Stars

alekuwka/Shutterstock

The mom who made her clearly-too-young son a lemonade stand because she can't stand how miserable she is in her own life and needs an escape

Kids: Oliver S. and Mrs. S.
Location: Wisteria Ave

A single day's lemonade profits will not pay for a lifetime of inevitable therapy. 

1/4 Stars

Getty/Xavier Bonghi

The kids who really don't want to be here

Kids: Shane, Maya, and Simone L.
Location: 567 Lundy Rd

Mom said she wanted some alone time in the house this summer. Mom sucks sometimes -- and her new friend "Uncle Ron" isn't too great, either.

2/4 Stars

Flickr/Rebecca Schley

The kids who straight-up ghosted

Kids: ??????
Location: Mystic River Ct

Their first lemonade stand, is also their last.

?/4 Stars

Daisy... who is just the worst

Kid: Daisy P.
Location: Who cares?

The worst person you will ever meet makes a sub-par, pretentious cup of overpriced lemonade. Yeah, we all saw this one coming. 

0/4 Stars

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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. These kids are all stock models. Relax. Follow him @wilfulton.

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