When you're in your 20s, the bar's like a big boozy playground, a place where you can grab a few drinks, cut loose, and maybe meet some new friends. Hell, maybe you'll find somebody willing to make sex with you. Or at least somebody who will make out with you. Or, barring that, you can just knock back a shot and play Erotic Photo Hunt.
But as you get older, there are some behaviors that become less acceptable. If you were alive last time the Bears won the Super Bowl (or were conceived to the "Super Bowl Shuffle" that very night), maybe consider not doing any of the following ever again.
At this point in your life, you're not pouring a shot in your navel. You're pouring half a goddamned pint in there.
Try to hook up with the person celebrating their 21st birthday
That means no buying them a Buttery Nipple. No talking to them about your 21st birthday revelry. And certainly no talking about how they remind you of your oldest kid.