Get into fights
For some guys (and girls!) going to a bar and getting into fisticuffs is as normal as going to the circus and smelling elephants -- which is to say, it will definitely happen. Americans have a lot of pent-up anger. It's why every video game is about murder. So, there are always exceptions to the rule -- like when someone questions your spouse's honor, or when Rob Alexson defiles your chair with his vom -- but for the most part, try to act like you aren't the coolest kid in fourth grade.
Try to force conversations about politics and/or religion
You know what would really make America great again? If you didn't use your Intro to Poli-Sci class from eight years ago as a license to believe you are an expert in anything.
Buy someone a drink and expect them to be interested in you
Also, I don't know about you, but I would much prefer an order of tater tots.
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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He's never once peed on a busboy, but once he threw up on a horse. Follow him: @wilfulton.