"Can you please turn the music down?"
If you prefer drinking in silence, go to the library. Somebody’s bound to have a flask, if you whisper-ask enough people.
"Let me use your bathroom real quick."
May I also use all the napkins, leech off your Wi-Fi, and sit at the bar drinking water during happy hour?
"Don’t I recognize you from your OkCupid profile?"
Because sitting alone in the photo booth just waiting for somebody to walk by wasn’t creeping out every chick at the bar quite enough.
"This school bus ain’t gonna drive itself..."
(Editor’s note: This is never funny. Trust me. I say it a lot. Usually at 8am. After I've had a few.)