18. Ole Miss (pictured)
What he’s wearing: Front pleat khaki shorts that his Mom bought the last time he went home to Jackson; cross-stitched belt with Colonel Reb on it BECAUSE YOU CANNOT CHANGE MASCOTS AND TRADITION IS IMPORTANT; red Southern Tides Collegiate polo carefully tucked in; at the tailgate: embroidered blue chinos with a red checkered button-down
What he’s saying: “At least we’ll win the party”; “Where’s your family’s tent in the Grove?"
Turn-ons: Hordes of blondes in color-coordinated Harvard red and Yale blue; red Solo cups filled with whiskey
Turn-offs: Scrubs that dress in T-shirts on game days, because only Sunday best should be worn to the Grove
Most frequented bars: The Library; The Levee; City Grocery’s upstairs bar for dates with hot Tri-Delts
Most coveted car: Ford F-150 in white so the Colonel Reb magnet really pops
19. Arizona State University
What he’s wearing: A non-ironic tank top or cut-off yellow Sun Devils shirt emblazoned with the words “We pre-game harder than you party”; a red headband or flat-brimmed baseball cap with the Sun Devil on it; athletic shorts or board shorts in almost all situations; Axe body spray (but, like, the older, more expensive kind); hair gel; surprisingly well-ironed clubbing gear for trips to Scottsdale; an alarmingly deep spray tan
What he’s saying: “You going to the pool at the Vue?”; “I’m at the pool at the Vue”; “I can’t believe my parents actually paid for me to live at the Vue”
Turn-ons: Girls with fake tans/boobs and tragically low self-confidence; triangle push-ups; talking about fights they almost got in; Pablo Neruda’s early works
Turn-offs: Pale people; non-athletic pants-wear; the “nerds” at Arizona; Pablo Neruda’s later works; condoms
Most frequented bars: Anywhere on Mill Ave
Most coveted car: A Nissan X-Terra with a roof rack in a hue of yellow so bright, it burns your retinas
20. Kansas State
What he's wearing: Justins roughed up from his summer Ag internship on the farm; heavy canvas Carhartt overalls with one buckle done; a cut-off purple EMAW T-shirt; a "Got Beef" baseball hat with beer bottle caps smashed around the bill, worn a little bit to the side (but just a little); an OtterBox case he got to protect his iPhone during his summer Ag internship on the farm
What he's saying: "Well, during my summer Ag internship on the farm..."; "So I went to a small 1-A school that was consolidated while I was there with two other 1-A schools, so then it became a good-sized 3-A school that now gets to play 11-man instead of 8-man. Which is, you know, less running, and more passing."
Turn-ons: Regal purple; family values; the Equestrian Team; marrying his college sweetheart; the Peterson Farm Bros; watching the Jayhawks lose; Bill Snyder
Turn-offs: Monsanto; liberal media; being stereotyped as a "farm boy" in articles like this
Most frequented bar: Rusty's Last Chance
Most coveted car: A souped-up black-on-black Dodge pick-up
21. Texas A&M What he's wearing: Super-cool Lucchese boots; Ray-Ban Wayfarers; Vineyard Vines polo; a Maroon Out shirt from four years ago that he got from his older brother (obviously, he's got one from every year -- this is just his favorite)
What he's saying: "Damn tea-sips"; "It's a rebuilding year"; "Wanna mug down?" to random girls during lights-out at Midnight Yell (and most other places, too)
Turn-ons: Houston's rap scene; everything about Aggieland, despite knowing it's sorta terrible; Antonio's post-game; all that Johnny Manziel coverage on Deadspin two years ago
Turn-offs: Fish Camp; Saw 'Em Off tees; boot-chasers; all that Johnny Manziel coverage on Deadspin now
Most frequented bars: Corner Bar; The Tap; The Chicken
Most coveted car: Any Ford that comes with the King Ranch edition badge with at least two A&M bumper stickers and a vanity plate that says some permutation of "Gig 'em"
What he’s wearing: Bro-tank (regardless of temp); Ray-Bans; Sperrys; expensive climbing jacket (for tailgating)
What he’s saying: “Remember that time we did blow with Carl Pelini? MAN that guy can talk fast.” “What time are we going to the Rec?”
Turn-ons: Any chick who can hammer three Shark Waters at Cliff’s and still make it to the game in time for the Tunnel Walk; 1995 Orange Bowl highlights on ESPN Classic
Turn-offs: Mom jeans; girls from Omaha; girls from Omaha in Mom jeans
Most frequented bars: The Bar; The Rail; Barry’s (game days only)
Most coveted car: Murdered-out Jeep Rubicon
23. North Carolina
What he’s wearing: Patagonia stand-up shorts (5” inseam, light stone); needlepoint knit belt with Chapel Hill logo; Sea Strikers with neoprene Croakies from his semi-retired father's charter fishing company; Guy Harvey tee; beer-stained brown Rainbows; a haircut somewhere between Jeff Daniels & Jim Carey from Dumb and Dumber; camo koozie to make it clear he can hunt right now if necessary
What he’s saying: "Just wait until basketball season"; “I really only like Gov’t Mule’s earlier projects”; “The granola girls at Weaver Street don’t even know how bad they need me”; "Y'all want to go hunting at my cabin?"
Turn-ons: Season tickets; hunting; vinegar-based sauces; the idea that grades don’t matter in the “real world”; hunting; slow boats; watching plebs commit to rush requests at Undergrad Library
Turn-offs: Mike Krzyzewski’s droopy jowls; the SEC; expired hunting permits
Most frequented bars: Pantana Bob's early, Top of the Hill late
Mosted coveted car: GMC Yukon/Chevy Tahoe
What he’s wearing: To class: Ralph Lauren solid tee; slip-on moccasins; sweatpants; cheap sunglasses from “charitable” sorority event; Going out: salmon-colored shorts; Polo; Sperry’s; To the game: wannabe SEC attire (“we’re still beginners”) consisting of khakis, tucked-in black/gold polo, last year’s coolest Ray-Bans, Titleist hat; his own extremely sweet beer koozie
What he’s saying: “You from St. Louis? [Pause] Dope, what high school?”; “M-I-Z... F*ck-K-U”; “Pump Room after Econ?”; “Oh shit, bro, Vegas Bombs?”
Turn-ons: St. Louis Cardinals gear (“actual baseball knowledge not necessary”); girls wearing yoga pants and carrying Vera Bradley bags; Golden Girls; free swipes into Plaza 900 from pledges
Turn-offs: Kansas gear; the state of Kansas; visible panty-lines in those yoga pants; Peace Park and all the people in it; the Women’s Studies Curriculum; GDI parties at Whiskey Wild
Most frequented bars: Harpo’s (25-cent draws!); Bengal's; Field House (penny pitchers!); Quinton’s; Campus Bar (25-cent triple wells!)
Most coveted car: A fully loaded Ford F-150 with a hidden gun rack for early morning hunts that he may never actually go on, but damn if that isn’t a cool thing to say aloud
What he’s wearing: American Apparel bro tanks that say “Does this shirt make me look frat?”; a polo shirt (if he’s in Beta); purple and gold hats; ubiquitous black plastic Ray-Ban knockoffs.
What he's saying: “Dude, are you on the Ave?!?”; “We’re not drunk" (but as a chant heard in basically every frat basement); “I’m going to take so many gyros to the face at Aladdin’s”; “You get with any KD slam pieces last night after Morning Bar or what?”; “Did you hear Chingy threw up on stage at SAE Greek Week?”
Turn-ons: Skin-tight tube dresses (especially in the winter); sailgating; being from Mercer Island, Bellevue, or Lakeside
Turn-offs: Cougars and Ducks; Coach Sark; girls who wear seasonally appropriate clothing; not being from Mercer Island, Bellevue, or Lakeside
Most frequented bars: Fourno’s; B-Mart and A-Mart; Dante’s
Most coveted car: Black BMW 335i with either Lakeside basketball, Mercer Island lacrosse, or Bellevue baseball on the back
Kevin Alexander is executive editor of Thrillist Food & Drink, and went to Trinity, which he secretly suspects has long been the NESCAC equivalent of Arizona State. Follow him to the pool at the Vue: @KAlexander03.
Dave Infante is a senior writer for Thrillist Food & Drink. He deeply regrets the fact that Miami University of Ohio didn't make the preseason Top 25, because he went there once and that place was like Bro Thunderdome. Thunder-bro-me. Follow him on Twitter: @dinfontay.
Liz Childers is an editorial assistant for Thrillist Food & Drink. She was obviously not in a fraternity, but was in, like, five drinking societies. Follow her on Twitter: @lizchilders1.