Food & Drink

10 bizarre vintage liquor ads to cure your Mad Men withdrawals

Mad Men is gone until 2015, and many of us have gigantic, rocks-glass-sized holes in our hearts. For a little healing, we've scoured the past to compile old-school magazine clips that combine Don and Roger's two favorite things: booze and ads. They all ran in the '60s, and they're the kind of bizarre campaigns probably dreamed up during a three-martini lunch. Check out the retro oddities below:

If you press your ear to a conch shell and don't hear the ocean, what you will hear is a 30 minute Woody Allen rant on his anti-anxiety medication.

The devil in this Bacardi ad is mad, but he's also very disappointed in you.

Whiplash: it's no one's friend.

This woman appears to have at least prepped her hair for zero gravity.

This is what Gravity would have been like if it was made in Russia.

They're obviously playing on the sad clown trope, except the geniuses responsible for this ad seemed to have forgotten along the way that clowns are terrifying. No wonder your parents still scream every time they see an empty bottle of Schlitz.

Similarly, the makers of Pinch scotch wanted to make sure you had many nightmares. Only instead of clowns, it's cartoons with enormous teeth and aggressive bangs that were apparently inspired by actress Leslie Uggams. And by "inspired" we mean "willed into existence under the influence of peyote".

Will the current owners of that Heineken capri jumpsuit please come forward and claim all the prizes?

Based on his position, it doesn't seem like that camel is going a block, let alone a mile, for some rich jerk's martini.

And finally, the ever-classy Colt 45 ran this space-age masterpiece in the pages of Playboy, featuring Bob Fosse's rejected designs for the first spacesuit.

Kristin Hunt is a food/drink staff writer for Thrillist, and is already more afraid of the Schlitz clown than Tim Curry in It. Follow her night terrors at @kristin_hunt.