There are many unwritten laws of drinking: don't covertly dump out a shot, don't call your ex, don't dump out a shot on your ex. But there are also real drinking laws, and some of them are ridiculous... but ridiculous or not, you're gonna meet the long arm of the law if you decide to do shots with Bullwinkle in Alaska. These 11 are some of the weirdest things that might get you busted in the US.
No cold ones in Oklahoma
In Oklahoma, if your beer's more than 4% alcohol, it has to be sold at room temperature, which makes British people really happy until they learn that they're British and in Oklahoma.
No racy wine bottles in Alabama
Seriously -- if you're going to sell wine in 'Bama, keep the naked ladies and dildos or whatever you godless French people are into off the label… because there will be no "immodest or sensuous" imagery there in the wine stores, Pierre.
Bourbon country is dry
Kentucky is the home of bourbon, and tourists flock to check out the historic distilleries… but not drink at them, since most are in dry counties. The state's recently allowed you to take little sips, but any hopes of behaving like Hunter S. Thompson on Raoul Duke's home turf is out of the question.
You can drink publicly in Georgia, but you can't show it
Technically, it's up to the cities of Georgia to regulate open container laws. But in many towns, you can walk around drinking whatever you want, as long as you don't start stumbling and slurring about how the North will rise again, or something.
Only chug while seated in Texas
By law, if you're standing up, you're only allowed to take three sips of beer. Luckily, everything is bigger in Texas, so one sip is roughly equal to 1/3 of a 40.
No happiness in Massachusetts
There is no happy hour in Massachusetts. At least not where booze is concerned. Which is actually kind of understandable: the state's economy would lose about $1,309,788 per hour in Boston alone if beer was discounted.
No giving Moose Drool to actual moose in Alaska
Unless said bull moose is Teddy Roosevelt, who wouldn't give a sh*t what you told him anyway -- it's illegal to give a moose beer in Alaska. The very fact that this is a law that needed to be put on the books makes Alaska even more awesome.
No horseplay in Colorado
Likely to the extreme dismay of Sam Elliott, it is illegal to drink while on horseback in Colorado, because a horse is a vehicle. This makes the hipster intramural polo games far less interesting in Boulder.
Drive-thru cocktails in NOLA
Meanwhile, since there aren't many horses there, you can purchase cocktails at the drive-thru stores in New Orleans… of course, they serve the straws on the side, just so you're not tempted.
No drinking on Election Day in South Carolina or Kentucky
The law that makes your failed student council run sting even more… and that obligatory congratulations call to the winner even harder to make.
No drinking with fish in Ohio
It is actually illegal to give booze to fish, but it's OK to drink like a fish. This is why Trey Anastasio and his crew hate Ohio.