Libra (September 23rd-October 22nd)
Striking a balance between buzzed and befuddled is tricky business, but lucky for you, Libra, you're an expert in equilibrium. A sucker for the sensual, you often prefer to do your drinking in the daylight, passing up dingy dives and hooligan-hearty sports bars to slow-sip your Aperol Fizz or crisp rosé in a sunny sidewalk cafe.
Your friends and lovers (often one in the same, you delicate, dirty dog) may grow frustrated with your perpetual indecision -- whether it's deciding what to wear, when to leave, or where to go. But, trust me when I tell you that they'll always, always appreciate your poise -- especially when they're in need of a designated driver.
Scorpio (October 23rd-November 21st)
When it comes to late-night imbibing, you're a beast, Scorp, and don't you know it. Your key phrase, "I desire," tells me just about everything I need to know to accurately assess your drinking habits. Once you commit to going big, nothing can stand in your way -- not an uppity bouncer, not a lethargic, sleepy-eyed mixologist in suspenders, not even the throb of a lingering hangover. You know how to charm your way out of (or into) any situation, your infectious magnetism and uninhibited passion (along with several tall gin and tonics) carrying you from oyster den to hipster dive to glitzy nightclub with exultant exuberance. Spend a night trailing a Scorpio from beer cans to bottle service and you're guaranteed to wake up with a nasty case of the DTs (though, truth be told, you'll probably be waking up in their bed).