Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th)
I'm not saying you're a teetotaler, Capricorn, but, honestly, you're not far from it. Your meticulous planning, unwavering need to control your environment, and deeply rooted moral compass pretty much prohibit wet-brained indulgence of any sort. It must be hard to let loose when you're playing it so damn close to the chest, which is one reason you'd take a glass of red with dinner over an all-night rager any day of the week, Fridays and Saturdays included. That might read as me calling you boring, but the truth is, your natural aversion to browning out makes you the master of professional wine-and-cheese mixers, your cosmopolitan maturity, steady composition, and intuitive social graces rolling out a red carpet towards Schmooze-Town, USA. There's a reason you often leave us wet-brains in the dust, Cap, and that reason is temperance (and work ethic, perseverance, ambition, blah, blah, blah).
Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th)
You're a bona fide dreamer, Aquarius. Unpredictable, unorthodox, giving, and open-hearted, as creative as Picasso and as caring as Clara Barton. You're a fluorescent hummingbird fluttering amongst the wildflowers, gulping down life's most delicious nectars. Those nectars include: pastel-colored cocktails, tart, floral, wild ales, añejo tequila, sweet bourbon on the rocks, and highballs of gin, all imbibed thoughtfully -- you're not a shot person -- and with great pleasure.
If you had your druthers, you'd be quaffing these spirits outdoors, perhaps on some grassy knoll, draped in a silk batik and surrounded by laughing friends, a place where you can just relax and soak up the fresh, cool air in a post-Bikram state of bliss. Cheers (and namaste).
Pisces (February 19th-March 20th)
Oh, Pisces, the zodiac's most misunderstood sign. You might come off as naive, flaky even, but deep down you're an ocean of raw emotion and great insight, an old soul with a penchant for all things nautical. You're a night owl, drawn to the sky's starry mysticism and enticed by its shadowy romance. I see you deckside, soothing your worn heartstrings with a rich, soulful mezcal on an anchored yacht, staring up into the universe, reveling in its wonders. Just be careful not to lose your footing in pursuit of another refill, my sweet, eternally clumsy guppy -- those calm, dark waters may tempt you, but your best drinking buddies remain on dry land.
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