Last cup of coffee scavenger
Despite working at the company for three and a half long years, you refuse to learn how to refill the coffee maker and have learned to subsist on half cups of tepid Folgers. The only blemish on your yearly review is that you could be more of a “self-starter."
Iced coffee, even in winter
You're a comedian at heart and reply-all is your stage. You hate warm drinks yet inexplicably love soup.
Recently quit coffee
You’re the worst for all these reasons and more, but your skin sure looks invigorated these days.
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Dan Gentile is a staff writer at Thrillist. Follow him to all work and no play at @Dannosphere.