You keep a journal of every coffee you drink that you jokingly refer to as your little black book, like where you'd keep the phone numbers of the girls you're definitely not sleeping with. You dream of someday making another human coffee in the morning, but worry about how that would affect water ratios, and dread having to explain that you're making coffee and not preparing to enhance your maleness.
If you needed to survive in the woods for a week, you could... who are you kidding, you're way too old, you wouldn't last two days.
V60 pour over
You consider yourself a minimalist, except for your obscenely large collection of vinyl records and contemporary novels, which would probably include some leather-bound books if Anchorman quotes weren't so cliché at this point. You once owned a DVD of the unrated version of Old School, which you sold at a garage sale held with a group of friends who really needed to get rid of some of their vintage clothing.