This guy with the new Ray-Bans and Chrome bag obviously came of age in the suburbs, attended state college, and only recently got into pour-over coffee and The Smiths. Don’t humor him when he asks about your Pandora station -- it’s a rhetorical Trojan horse for him to tell you all about that one time he saw Vampire Weekend in Chicago when he was interning at his fraternity brother’s marketing startup.
The Shoeless Crustafarian Guy
Someone left this guy in your neighborhood on the way to Burning Man in the ‘90s, and now he can’t remember which way home is. He sometimes pays for stuff, but not often enough to reconcile his aversion to wearing shoes, leaving his banjo back at camp, or packing up his finger paintings and leaving when Slayer is blasting from the stereo. (Pro tip: if you hear Slayer at a coffee shop, it’s time to go home.)