Trying -- and failing -- to be funny
"A couple of weeks ago I witnessed a horrible one. A guy had a few drinks and he was pretty annoyingly loud. I could kind of sense his desperation by that point. He said to a girl, 'You smell like garbage, can I take you out?' and then all I saw was a long, swinging slap to his face. I got the joke so it was pretty brutal to watch." -- Tenzin Conechok Samdo, Tavern Road, Boston
Following "expert" pickup advice
"There used to be this reality show called The Pickup Artist hosted by this cheese dick in a cowboy hat, whose calling was to teach poor antisocial souls how to pick up women in bars. One time at the bar I watched as a man approached a woman and said:
'On a scale from one to 10, how much fun are you having?'
And she said, 'I don't know, like an eight, I guess. Why?'
And then he grabbed her and tried to twirl her around and exclaimed, 'Now you're a 10!'
Her first response was to tell him to fuck off and then one of the door guys said, 'Hey, isn't that a line from The Pickup Artist?' and she started laughing hysterically. I think the door guy actually got her number that night.