Food & Drink

New Orleans' 9 Bad Decision Bars

Published On 01/08/2014 Published On 01/08/2014
NOLA Bad Decision Bars
Thrillist

New Orleans has more bars per capita than any other US city, which means it also has more bad decisions per capita than any other US city -- so long as you go to the right place. The place where “Alright, just one more Jagerbomb” turns into “Oh my god. Where are my pants?” The Bad Decision Bar. The Crescent City has at least nine, and here they are:

The Saint Bar & Lounge

The Saint

Lower Garden District
The Saint is what happens when professional metal musicians decide to open a bar in the Lower Garden District, and it’s about what you’d predict. It should go without saying, but you probably don’t want have intimate relations with anyone in the bathroom at The Saint unless you want to wind up Googling "infectious disease specialists in the NOLA area," which you will. 
 

The Club Ms. Mae’s

Uptown
There are three things you have to know about Ms. Mae’s, other than the fact that Saints defensive coordinator Rob Ryan habitually stops there for a Rolling Rock after a win in the Superdome. First, it doesn’t close (and if that isn’t a warning shot in the direction of your decision-making abilities, nothing is). Also, it’s known to be one of the cheapest bars in the city (warning shot numero dos!).  Finally, there’s a posted list of shame featuring those who have crossed the line at some point and gotten themselves 86’ed. Seriously... imagining what it might possibly take to get tossed out of Ms. Mae’s, you do NOT want to be on that list.

New Orleans Original Daiquiris

Fat Tuesday

French Quarter
There are a number of questionable bars on Bourbon St -- most of them are fairly sketchy, for that matter -- but there’s something existentially troubling about a place that features 900 slushy machines filled with candy-hued frozen daiquiris loaded to the gills with cheap ethanol. These are great during a leisurely summer afternoon, on occasion, but if you start pounding them, you’ll see firsthand what “Cajun Eggnog” tastes like in reverse.

Flickr/xsnowdog

Cats Meow

French Quarter
Karaoke can sometimes be fun in small groups with a few close friends. Then there are karaoke clubs like the Cats Meow, where you'll find a teeming phalanx of sweaty humans just hoping to get loaded enough to blurt out their rendition of “Sweet Caroline” at top volume into a microphone, and you will be one of those people. Nothing good will come out of a trip to the Cats Meow. Nothing. Step away from the mic.

The Boot

The Boot

Uptown
An innocent hope in heading to The Boot, which is essentially on the Tulane University campus, might be to chat up some fascinating, comely undergrads. In fact, the bar’s own website declares, “If you are eager for cheap drinks along with hot girls who are enjoying them, then this is the place for you." Believing this is the first of your many bad decisions to come.

The John

The John

Bywater
In a list of bars known for impeding one’s proper decision-making abilities, the bar that has a TOILET THEME is probably going to be up there.

The Country Club

The Country Club

Bywater
Having naked people around invites a certain sort of clientele, and you’ll surely find it at the Country Club’s “clothing optional” pool. 

Infrogmation of New Orleans/Wikimedia Commons

Aunt Tiki’s

French Quarter
To quote an anonymous local, Tiki’s is “not bad." It's just the place you go because the bartender you want to pork is closing up the Frenchmen St bar and you have to follow him/her there and get even drunker if you're ever going to have a chance at hitting that. 

F&M Patio Bar

F&M Patio Bar

Uptown
It’s one of the most heralded divey institutions in NOLA, and simultaneously one of the most reviled.  An evening at F&M’s might involve a number of scenarios, the most pleasant of which is merely dancing on the leopard-print pool table. Others involve bodily fluids.

Sign up here for our daily New Orleans email and be the first to get all the food/drink/fun in the Big Easy.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
1. Fat Tuesday 633 Bourbon St, New Orleans, LA 70005 (French Quarter)

If you're in the mood for a frozen daiquiris, head to Fat Tuesday and prepare for a crushing ice cream headache after sucking down a number of delicious boozy slushies.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
2. Saint Bar & Lounge 961 Saint Mary St, New Orleans, LA 70130 (Garden District)

A gem among dive bars, The Saint is a local favorite for NOLA's indie-punk crowd, featuring delightfully decrepit walls, video games, cheap drinks, and theme nights like Tiki Tuesdays.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
3. The Club Ms Mae's 4336 Magazine St, New Orleans, LA 70115 (Uptown)

Ms Mae's is a 24-hour dive bar that is known around town for its $2 well drinks, which college kids can cop for half-price on Thursday nights, and is a quintessential New Orleans institution, a beacon on the corner of Magazine and Napoleon. Inside, you’ll find pool, air hockey and foosball, and drinks served in plastic cups. You’ll find big groups and singles, older folks drinking during the day, college students hooking up at night, and maybe that rare soul boldly embarking on the Ms. Mae’s 24 challenge: finishing one drink per hour every hour for a full day.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
4. Cats Meow 701 Bourbon St, New Orleans, LA 70116 (French Quarter)

Located in the French Quarter, this booze joint is regularly teeming with inebriated party goers belting out their favorite tunes at the karaoke mic.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
5. The Boot 1039 Broadway St, New Orleans, LA 70118 (Uptown)

Essentially located on Tulane University's campus, The Boot is typically filled with undergrads enjoying cheap drinks, aka it's usually a pretty solid party no matter when you come (which is pretty much any time during the night since they're open til 6a nearly every night).

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
6. The John 2040 Burgundy St, New Orleans, LA 70116

New Orleans is infamously hot and muggy, so in the summer there are a number of cool places to escape the heat, but the best one is The John, a toilet-themed dive bar that, unlike museums, is always open. Step into the meat cooler of a bar and belly up for something cold, strong, and cheap. If you’re looking for frills, there’s a jukebox, a ping pong table, and golden toilet seats.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
7. The Country Club 634 Louisa St, New Orleans, LA 70117 (New Orleans)

The Country Club is a restaurant, bar, and pool all-in-one. Order a beer with your lunch, then walk upstairs and drink another one poolside. Be sure to visit the on-site massage therapists and spa services while you're there. Oh, and did we mention that the pool is clothing optional?

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
8. Aunt Tiki's 1207 Decatur St, New Orleans, LA 70116 (French Quarter)

This French Quarter dive bar is popular for a number of reasons, three of which are their cheap drinks, their awesome jukebox, and the fact that you'll rarely find tourists crowding up the place.

Previous Venue Next Venue Venue Description
9. F&M Patio Bar 4841 Tchoupitoulas St, New Orleans, LA 70115 (Uptown)

F&M is a highly touted NOLA institution, as far as dive bars go anyway. You can order up cheap food and drinks and then play a few rounds of pool on their leopard-print pool table.

Clickbait