Finally use those funny-looking, slow-moving boats... to drink!

Aside from the four commuters who use it each morning, the East River Ferry seems largely forgotten by the city's general population. Which is a shame, because not only is it the most enjoyable way to cover large swaths of ground... er, water... it's also the fastest way between a lot of points. So, we took it upon ourselves to create a food-filled, booze-soaked Ferry Bar Crawl, the real reason why Noah invented boats.

Stop One -- E 34th St/ Midtown: You're heading towards the 34th St terminal in Manhattan, but on the way, stop by the Pod 39 hotel's rooftop to fuel up with guajillo chili, salt-rimmed margaritas, and twisted Salvation Taco offerings from crispy pig ears to lamb tongue tortas

Stop Two -- Hunter's Point South/ Long Island City: Buy your ticket at the kiosk, board the ferry, and make your way across the river, being sure to take in views of the UN and Tudor City's penthouses, as this is likely the closest you'll ever come to entering either. Disembarking at the LIC Queens stop a scant few minutes later, beeline it to Alewife for one of the best tap roundups in the city, including local brews aplenty, cask options, cartons, and growlers

Stop Three -- India St/ Greenpoint: One of the biggest bonuses of bar crawling this way is hitting parts of the city that you may not otherwise think to, aka your next stop: Greenpoint. Much of the area's best stuff is a little more inland (Torst, Manhattan Inn, Spritzenhaus…), but if you want to keep your momentum, head to Black Rabbit for a Frito Pie, board games in the backyard beer garden (or next to the fireplace, depending on the month), and a pickleback before hitting the road/ water

Stop Four -- N 6th St/ N Williamsburg: If you're lucky with your timing/ can plan in advance in spite of being the kind of maniac who structures their day around bar crawls, the famed Smorgasburg market will be in full effect mere feet from the dock at the N 6th St/ N Williamsburg stop, so you can eat and drink to your heart's attack content. Then, head a little further inland to Surf Bar, where the floor is loaded with sand, and the tiki drinks are loaded with booze. Do the Gorilla Milk, which lacks the cloying sweetness of many tikis, but still comes in either a coconut shell or a hula lady mug

Stop Five -- Schaefer Landing/ S Williamsburg: Don't leave Williamsburg quite yet, not when you could roll to Bia Bar and Grill and get your Vietnamese rooftop beer garden on. Or, if it's a Saturday and you haven't dawdled too much to this point, enjoy a crazy, model-laden Brazilian dance party at Miss Favela

Stop Six -- Brooklyn Bridge Park/ DUMBO: This stop could easily derail your bar crawling, what with the bounties of the nearby BK Bridge Park including beach volleyball, a pool, and plenty of legit concessions. But stay hungry (or at least motivated) and head a few blocks into DUMBO to Superfine, the very definition of a chill bar where you can snag a beer and decompress with a game of pool

Stop Seven -- Wall St/ Pier 11: As your day's end draws nigh, it's back to Manhattan, and at this point you'll probably be in the mood to make like Xtina and get Dirrty with 32oz styrofoam cups of beers, bras hanging from the ceiling, and surprisingly good fried seafood platters at Jeremy's Ale House. Of course, if you still have a respectable bone in your body, you should also swing by Dead Rabbit, where you can have some of the best cocktails anywhere in the city and stock up on goods for your next, and last, stop

Stop Eight -- Governors Island: Grab the Governors Island Ferry, surreptitiously take out your grog & sundries, and enjoy the great outdoors, while congratulating yourself on a day well spent. And then eventually, take it back to reality.