Every last one of us is a unique and special person… or at least that’s what we tell ourselves when we wake up from a night of plank shots to find a half-eaten Italian hoagie lying next to us. You chose to take those plank shots and consume that hoagie, which means you also get to choose your favorite bar. And if that go-to spot of yours happens to be in our selection of 23 Pittsburgh bars, we’ve taken the liberty of unfairly categorizing you based on that choice.
East Liberty No matter who you are, you’ve most likely come to Kelly’s for its amazing happy hour or that deep corner booth. Or you have the happiest stomach ache of your life from ordering the 40oz of fromage: a gargantuan serving of oven-baked mac & cheese for $20.
Bloomfield As one of the few bars in Pittsburgh that consistently hosts shows, Howlers is home to a rotating crowd of metal heads, punk rock karaoke enthusiasts, and casual tattoo-adorned beer drinkers. If you find yourself at Howlers you may also be a people watcher/chain smoker.
Downtown You’d like to think you’re a Prohibition-era bar patron while sippin’ on an old-fashioned and listening to 1920s piano music. But you’re most likely a 9-5er taking selfies in business casual wear.
Bloomfield You like to watch a slew of hipsters, yinzers, and senior citizens get into some emotional karaoke. Or maybe you’re one of the aforementioned crooners and it’s about to get real deep in here with your soulful rendition of Meat Loaf’s “I’d Do Anything for Love.”
Downtown Pittsburgh’s premiere/only Champagne bar with an enforced dress code that includes the phrase “sartorially elegant.” If you spend any substantial amount of time at Perlé, you might be a self-described cougar.
Millvale You’re a grandparent or an adult grandchild being taken out for a reasonable dinner by your grandparents. You’ve probably witnessed your grandma get a little bit too indulgent and talk about her former conquests while grandpa uses the restroom.
Lawrenceville You’ve been coming here since the bar opened in 1941 to partake in the eating of the best fish sandwiches in Pittsburgh and you enjoy being in the company of classy old dudes, much like yourself.
Shadyside You’re either a regular who loves downing cheap drinks on a big porch or you’re one of the many upper-middle-class Shadyside residents who have mistakenly wandered into the closest thing your neighborhood has to a dive bar only to be greeted by an A/C blast of urinal cake odor.
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Julianna is a freelance writer in Pittsburgh who is guilty of being one those emotional crooners at Nico's karaoke. Follow her @JuliannaLocal.