You know how rock stars drink their coffee? Well, usually poured into their mouths from a rhino horn chalice by topless groupies who probably didn't envision their life being this sad. But when they don't do that they usually just skip the line and grab their java right away, and now you can too, thanks to Coffee Like A Rock Star, an e-commerce site that, unless you're still thinking about those groupies, you probably have lots of questions about:
So what is this... an app? Nah, it's just a website you can access from your phone or home computer, the latter of which are apparently still a thing.
How does it work? Just pick your favorite coffee shop, describe your favorite drink (or second favorite, after body shots from topless groupies who are -- even as we speak -- questioning their life choices), and enter your credit card info, then CLARS'll shoot the barista a text with your order.
That's it? What happens when I get there? You walk in and grab the drink with your phone number on it, and -- because lady baristas are always attracted to dudes who prefer digital rather than real interpersonal communication -- probably hers too!
Can I order like a rock star anywhere? There's only a handful of South Seattle spots right now, but the list is growing every day! Except maybe today. So every other day.
But what happens to the groupies after the rock stars tire of them, and cast them out? Do they spend the rest of their lives regretting this ephemeral time when they nearly tasted fame, or do they relish it, and keep coming back, hoping to once more capture the magic they once had? Just drink your coffee, dude.