Travel around the world drinking absinthe... in Adams Morgan

Like most normal people with no discernible problems, you often wish you could impress girls with your unicycling travel and drink more absinthe. Well, guess what, Ernest Hemingway? Libertine -- the Parisian bar in ADMO -- can't help you get to France, but they will take you on a globe-trotting absinthe adventure w/ their collection of 30 from around the world, all dripping out of vintage brouilleurs.

The ritual of drinking absinthe starts with dripping water over brown sugar (theirs is house-made w/ sea salt & lime juice), gradually sweetening & dissolving it into the glass, with the end result being three to four parts water to one part absinthe. Starting in France, here's the Libertine 55: mellow, lightly anise-flavored, and unlike Dane Cook, "very original."

The process is known as "louching" (rhymes with: you guessed it), and it gives most -- including that Swiss Kubler -- a milky white color. Oh, shut up.

The first blended absinthe (from Germany) only shares one commonality w/ an R. Kelly song: it's getting hit with a steady stream.

Time to lay off the booze for a minute and answer your appetite with the Appalachian mussels w/ applewood-smoked bacon and roasted tomato sauce. Just kidding! They also have Knob Creek as a main ingredient.

USA up in the HOUSE. The Trinity Superieure is an award-winning, light, anise-flavored absinthe that is best served lightly louched. Llooouuuucchhhhe.

The Philippe Lasala is a refreshing favorite from Spain. Assuming it's not playing against a Brazilian absinthe.

Like its close cousin, the flaming Dr Pepper, the Austrian Mata Hari is extinguished before drinking. It's also the only one in the bunch that involves fire.

No, you're not hallucinating: those are thyme spud wedges w/ a black garlic aioli. Grab a few to soak up all that booze, unless, of course, your intake of absinthe has reached a point where you've already said a farewell to your arms.