On the eve of the DVD release of his R-rated (yet nudity-strewn) horror comedy "One Eyed Monster", we asked adult film layabout Ron Jeremy where you should hit if you find yourself in the netherworld he's plied his trade in for decades:
Best Pizza: D'Amores 12910 Magnolia Blvd, Van Nuys; 818.505.1111 "Tiny place, big service and amazing zah", says Ron of this thin-crust shop, which ships water in from Massachusetts to achieve its unique flavor, which frankly, is just pizzare. The menus are at DamoresPizzaMagnolia.com
Best Ethnic Food: Brent's Delicatessen 19565 Parthenia St, Northridge; 818.886.5979 This longtime standby's known for Jewish favorites like whitefish salad and matzo ball soup, though Ron's got his own favorite: "I know a little something about hot tongue, and they serve it up". (Catch Ron at the Comedy Store every other never.) Stuff your face at BrentsDeli.com
Best Nice Meal: Miceli's 3655 Cahuenga Blvd West, Universal City; 323.851.3344 "It's got amazingly phenomenal Italian food and the waiters sing; they hire waiters who are actually really good singers", killing your longtime dream of having Scott Stapp bring you some Veal Scallopini. Sing for your supper at MicelisRestaurant.com
Best Happy Hour: Clipper Club Lounge at The Airtel Plaza 7277 Valjean Ave, Van Nuys; 818.997.7676 "Lotta great hors d'ouvres, and reasonably priced drinks", from 4-7 Mon-Fri at this hotel bar, which serves patrons and crew from the commercial-plane-free Van Nuys Airport -- where amateur pilots get their courage up. Happy hour's got $2 off beer and wine and $3 off cocktails; check it all out at AirtelPlaza.com
Best place to take a "regular girl": Saddle Peak Lodge 419 Cold Canyon Rd, Calabasas; 818.222.3888 "It's got a very romantic vibe there, but do NOT bring your date if she's a vegetarian. Of course, if you love the Lodge [and therefore need to break up], you can always drop her using my favorite excuse: 'It's not you, it's meat'". Stay classy at SaddlePeakLodge.com Best "Hidden Secret": Sushi Don 4816 Laurel Canyon Blvd, Studio City; 818.762.8720 From the Sasabune sushi master comes this tiny strip-mall rawfishery, with "the exact same fish but for a lot less money". (Insert gross Ron Jeremy joke here.) The menus are at Sushi-Don.com
Best place to have sex: "If you wanna get really kinky, and you're on Topanga Canyon, go towards Santa Suzanna Pass, go down about a mile, and there's a ranch there where Charles Manson used to hang out. There's an electricity in the air where those idiots used to live, and have sex all the time. So take a girl there, get all nasty and dirty, and say, 'Let's do it Charles Manson's way'". Yes, that sexy Charles Manson way everyone romanticizes.